Written by NerdInBriefs

Thursday, 18 August 2011

In an effort to encourage community wide responsibility the government has announced another round of punitive measures, which according to liberal lefties, risks further alienating those at the margins of society. To deter a repeat of anymore riots on the streets in the future, funny named fried chicken shops will be liquidated if there is anymore trouble, the number closed in relation to how many people are on the streets.

Some are citing that this is part of a sinister operation that has nothing to do with the riots. Sources speak of David Cameron new found fondness for Colonel Sanders including a portrait of him in his Downing Street office as evidence of him having been bought by KFC and offering the inner cities to them on a greasy plate.

Right wing commentators over the last week have been making a lot of noise about the fact that many of the looters and delinquents from the London and UK riots, came out on the streets after having a belly fool of deep fried food. Some have been pressurising the PM to foster community responsibility, and do more to punish the community in future rather than individuals, 'spread maximum pain and kill their high street' argued one reporter on CBEEBIES.

So what is the logic behind closing a fried chicken shop? The argument is that this will affect the whole community, as with most supermarkets burnt to the ground and most people not able to cook, it will be in the community interest to make sure that the youth do not misbehave.

The Chicken Shop Federation is up in arm, and has condemned the government saying they are a lifeline for these communities and in the absence of youth clubs, serve as meeting point and a place for people to catch up with their gang rivals, eat and safely socialise.
Conspiracy theories are already being talked about in the cyber space, talking up dark forces at work that are using the riots as an excuse to pursue a sinister agenda.

Some suggest a plot by KFC to close its rivals, such Deep Fried Chicken Bits and Battery Fried Chicken Wings which have been aggressively eating into its share of the market. KFC was spooked by the healthy eating campaign of Jamie Oliver and his ties with this and the last government. There is alleged evidence of Cameron secret links to the American giant, questioning why he had dinner 20 times in the last year at KFC and ordered a bargain bucket meal whilst in Italy. Others have combed previous public speeches and private conversations of Cameron's where he has been using the phrase 'Finger Lickin' Good', as proof of a long term deal where he is being paid for endorsing the brand to friends, families and British public.

Celebrity magazines point the finger at the influence of the celebrity macro biotic diet lobby which has over the last five years through Gwenyth Paltrow sought to create a fat free future. A damning Panorama programme, uncovered evidence that Platrow has been using acting as cover, and is in fact a secret agent for this mysterious organisation and blackmailed Chris Martin to marry her, in order to spread their operations into UK.

There has been one enthusiastic supporter of the actions. Former UN excrement inspector and now committed raw food terrorist Gillian McKeith, recently released from prison after serving time for administering back street carrot and gojiberry enemas, has said people are finally waking up to the fact that Chicken Shops are Satan's agent on the high street.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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