Letters To The Editor About Irish Jockeys
Dear Sir, I should like the opportunity to raise the plight of the Irish jockey-man. We all know about the current financial difficulties endured by the Irish Republic, but how many are cognisant of its effects upon jockey-men? We might read an online Ballybunnion Advertiser, or we might peruse, in a particularly well-stocked newsagent or railway station "mini-library", an afternoon edition...
Read full storyDandelions are "A Bunch of Dicks" Say Trees
A group of Dutch Elm trees are saying that they are breaking a decades-old silence to show the nation about the controversy surrounding dandelions. "For years we have been silent about this national tragedy. However, unlike my father, and my fathe...
Read full storyTop Tory Gregory Barker's House Occupied by Squatters
Gregory Barker, the Tory who said "We've made cuts Thatcher could only dream of" has had his house occupied by squatters. This terrible deed was carried out whilst he was out walking his dog and, when he discovered he was the victim of a crime, hi...
Read full storyScientists claim autistic brains function different?
A study by a bunch of "nutty" Canadian scientists has proven that the autistic brain functions different, WOW! The world is so grateful that after all of these years of autistic studies, Dustin Hoffman and others who have similar health disparitie...
Read full storyX Factor - Cheryl's position in the 'mix' clears?
The X Factor USA clock has been ticking but 2 judges have yet to be announced. Speculation has been rife about who the remaining judges may be. Names mentioned for possible judges have included Nicki Minaj, Mariah Carey, Nicole Scherzinger and Cheryl Cole. As always, there has been much speculation concerning Cheryl Cole, who was already reported to have signed a 10 million, 3 million, think...
Read full storyBond is Back!
David Cameron has announced that 'unbreakable Bond' is back to sort out the relationships between Britain and Pakistan. Bond's job is to 'patch up relations' between the two countries after Cameron described Pakistan as the seedbed of Terrorism. B...
Read full storyIvory Coast promise choco freaks they won't go hungry!
Ivory Coast the world's largest cocoa producers who just happen to be in the midst of a bloody civil war have promised global choco freaks they won't go hungry! There might be a few slight logistic problems, i.e. Finding enough workers who are st...
Read full storyLocal Homosexual Questioning His Decision
In a surprising turn of events, Jim Walker, an unusually well groomed 34-year-old mechanic who's been living in northern California for the better part of 20 years, recently became fodder for nation wide speculation after publicly questioning his bol...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen set to visit Isle of Wight - He's taking a break from touring
Charlie Sheen has decided to take at least a week off from touring to spend some time in Newby Village on the Isle of Wight. He's read a lot about the Isle of Wight and the villagers who make it their home and is keen to get away from the Rat Race...
Read full storySheen Punks Detroit but Fans Beg Him to Return
Charlie Sheen opened his "I'm out of a job and need a gig" comedy tour in Detroit to an unexpected but resounding set of audience initiated "Boos". Though Sheen offered a few carefully chosen four letter words about the city and his audience the foll...
Read full storyMissing regimental silver 'found in Harry's Highgrove bunker'
London - "Someone's got to pay for the bridesmaids' tiaras!" was the feeble excuse from Prince Harry's equerry as news of the Household Cavalry's missing silver stash hit the headlines. More than £360,000-worth of ceremonial plate from the regimen...
Read full storyGodzilla spotted off Japanese coast
Scientist's worst fears may have been realised following numerous witness sightings of a prehistoric monster near to the nuclear disaster zone. Many say 'fact is stranger than fiction' and that could now be the case near Fuckushima, with the milit...
Read full story1,000 tonnes of commemorative Thames sewage to mark Queen's Diamond Jubilee
London - The mile-long turd flotilla will lead the procession commemorating the Rowlingesque fairy tale of the Queen's 60-year reign. The waterborne pageant announced today will be headed by a carnival float of Euro-septic tank pathogens including...
Read full storyCicadas attack White House
Cicada is not an instruction to the English Football Team, but in fact the name of a small beetle that has been gifted to us to save the human race. Eleventeen totally-undocumented but parallel scientific booze-ups found that the sound emitted by the cicada was a ball-ache, hence the need to kick ardour. <<<Breaking News>>> The police from Iamtheboss, Countyourdays, have...
Read full storyBBC "Top Gear" given OK to insult Mexicans update
The UK TV watchdog Ofcom has given popular BBC television programme "Top Gear" their permission and blessings to insult the Mexicans. However, the Mexican-insulting contract from the BBC failed to mention the other conditions connected with this p...
Read full storyGod and Allah agree to call it quits in the interests of World Peace...
A unique heart-to-heart has taken place between the two Big Players in world affairs - God and Allah. It is hotly rumoured to have occurred somewhere in Bradford where the two Supreme Beings have been lving in secret for some time in two adjacent terraced houses. (They discovered early on in their new-found relationship that however much they liked one another there was always going to be a proble...
Read full storyVernon Kay Exits Game Show - TV Repair Man Claims Another Triumph
TV Repair Man Has claimed another scalp in his bid to rid relevision of banal programming. News emerged this week that popular presenter, Vernon Kay - husband of Strictly Come Dancing hostess Tess Daly - had pulled out of new ITV game show Sing If...
Read full storyAde Edmondson's "The Dales" - TV Repair Man Puts The Boot In
Self-appointed one-man TV clean-up campaign, TV Repair Man, has lashed out at another programme. Adrian "Ade" Edmondson presents The Dales on Monday evenings on ITV. The show professes to catalogue the rich variety of life and work on the huge, ro...
Read full storyKirstie Alley and Her Partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy Take Quite A Tumble On 'Dancing With The Stars'
HOLLYWOOD - Maksim Chmerkovskiy, better known as "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom" took the entire blame for his and partner Kirstie Alley's fall on Dancing With The Stars. As the marimba player played the music to "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" Maksim...
Read full storyAntwerp, Art & Ale - A Traveller's Diary
Travel editor Peregrin Trip visits the historic Belgian port... Magnificent! Antwerp Central railway station - truly magnificent. What a temple to the glory days of rail travel! Antwerpen Centraal was clearly designed to demonstrate that the latter-day burghers' ambition and civic pride were just as great as their medieval forefathers who built its more ancient and holier compatriot down the...
Read full storyRooney Explains His Outburst
The Football Association has charged Man Utd's Wayne Rooney with "using offensive language" after the striker allegedly swore directly into a camera after scoring a hat trick against West Ham last Saturday. The foul mouthed rant could result in th...
Read full storyBollywood's Aishwarya Rai Announces She Would Like To Star In A Movie With Charlie Sheen
CALCUTTA, India - One of Bollywood's most popular actresses Aishwarya Rai was visiting Calcutta with her husband Abishek Bachchan. The two had traveled to Calcutta to participate in The Annual Royal Calcutta Turf Club Auction Sale which benefits t...
Read full storyScotland Move Up In FIFA Rankings
Despite being totally humiliated and beaten 2-0 by Brazil in last week's friendly, Scotland have risen up the FIFA rankings. Craig Levein's side were sitting in 50th spot after their defeat of Northern Ireland in February's inaugural Carling Natio...
Read full storyOFCOM Set Up New Department
The Office of Communications - OFCOM - are to set up a brand new sub department to be known as OFBOYLE, which will be tasked solely with dealing with all the complaints made about controversial comedian Frankie Boyle. In the last year alone, the g...
Read full storyConstipated Patients' Beds Blocked
A report commissioned by the Centre For Physical Health has revealed that thousands of patients suffering from constipation are spending too long in hospital. The report advises that the blockage is due to a lack of basic support for sufferers aft...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Announces That She Has Agreed To Settle Her Lawsuit Against Sarah Palin
READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin, the Emmy-nominated star of Kate Plus 8 has informed the entertainment media that she has agreed to settle her lawsuit against the ex-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin. Gosselin had filed a lawsuit against the ex...
Read full storyFukushima Leak Stopped
Fukushima - TEPCO workers have finally stopped the leaks at the Fukushima reactor site, thanks to Ronald Cole, automotive expert. According to the foreman on the night shift this evening, Mr. Isukasumo, it was thanks to a magazine article that advis...
Read full storyRob Pattinson Found In Nude Photo During College
LOS ANGELES - Pattinson, a favourite among teen girls for being 'hawt', has been found in a nude photograph taken during his days at university. The photo is 50cm by 60cm, and shows him hanging with his mates while being drunk. According to the digital version of it, it was taken during the middle of the day. Hah. Fooled you. Wow. Just wow. Seriously? You're going to read about a fictional e...
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