President urges nation
President Obama yesterday urged the nation. The executive urging came at a commencement address to the Tulsa School of Business graduating class where the president used strong words to encourage the nation to adopt urgency toward things that need it...
Read full storyUltimate Fighting Debuts in Arkansas
Bugbucket AK - Ultimate fighting took hold here last night at the ag barn with over 1,500 people crowd'n the place to see a husband and wife match-up in the heavyweight division. Chicken ranchers Hally and Irene Bone from the north side say they'v...
Read full storyPhil Brown CD Out On Tuesday
There were fantastic scenes at the KC Stadium in Hull this evening when, after surviving the ordeals of his first season in the Premier League, Hull City manager Phil Brown said thank you to the Tigers' fans by giving an impromptu singing performance...
Read full storyCrow launches NO2EU campaign
An old crow launched an anti-European campaign from a tree in Little Twiglett-by-the-Nest today, and was soon joined by a blackbird, a starling, and three barn owls. The crow cawed: 'It's the 21st. century, I regularly fly to France to get my worm...
Read full story'Sherlock Holmes and the Missing Letter R'
Sherlock Holmes ate another slice of toast, while Dr. Watson read The Times out loud to him. ''In the early hours of this morning, a window at 10 Downing Street was seen to open, and a hand quickly threw the letter R out into the street, before slamming the window shut again'', the doctor read. ''Police seem to be baffled.' Very strange, Holmes, don't you think?' 'Undoubtedly, Watson. Get my...
Read full storyQueen Wants American Idol Adam Lambert As Frontman
BUCKINGHAM PALACE, London - HRH Queen Elizabeth has announced that she would like to step aside so that American Idol Adam Lambert can be the frontman for the Royal Family of Great Britain and the Commonwealth of Nations. The official word from th...
Read full storyBoogertown Man Has Imaginary Swine Flu!
Boogertown Bank cashier, J. Baily "Doodles" McKee has an imaginary case of the Swine Flu that he claims has already merged with his "Year-round" flu, and that it is quickly spreading throughout his body and will ultimately reach deep into his lungs, kidneys, toenails and tailbone unless he receives better treatment than he's gotten so far at the Boogertown Free Clinic. "I knew it was that Swin...
Read full storyDick Cheney Admits Carl Rove is Long Lost Bastard Son
Dick Cheney, former Vice-President of the United States, admitted during an interview on Shepard Smith's "B Side" program on Fox News that Carl Rove, former George W. Bush's brain, was his bastard son. Cheney revealed that Rove was born nine month...
Read full storyNow a Greek chap breaches Buckingham Palace security
On the day following the Buckingham Palace security breach where two journalists from the News of the Smut were found calmly sitting in the Royal Motorcade Car, yet another security breach has been discovered in H M the Queen's residence. In the e...
Read full storyWoman Discovers Suspected Co-joined Twins Not Related
Mary Ellen Hirsch has learned that she is more gullible than she originally thought. This discovery came to her when she learned that Bob Mitchell and Susan Holmes were not only not co-joined twins, they weren't even related. Mrs. Hirsch was allo...
Read full storyHull City Stay Up!
There was jubilation throughout East Yorkshire this afternoon, as Hull City, the Premier League newboys, put in a brilliant performance to lose 1-0 to champions Manchester United and, in so doing, secured their top flight survival at the expense of N...
Read full storyBuckingham Palace suspends chauffeur
A chauffeur was suspended today by Buckingham Palace, after claiming to have had access to highly sensitive facts about the personal lives of a female member of the Royal Family, and leaking them to the press. Charles Windsinghor, aged something,...
Read full storyUS Government Abstinence Education Program Eliminated
President Barack Obama announced today that he has eliminated former President Bush's Abstinence Only Education program and has begun a new "Getting Laid is Cool" program. "We will never eliminate the desire for sex", Obama stated during a news co...
Read full story'Spare two luxury Georgian flats, a motor boat, two topless models, and a packet of Havana cigars for the 'omeless, mate?'
Westminster today was inundated with a new type of homeless beggar, beggars that no longer just want a 'penny for the homeless' or for a 'cup of tea', but for luxury goods and services. One down-and-out, dressed in a Saville Row suit and handmade...
Read full storyCarol Ann Duffy gets modern
Dear Candidate, I hope you don't mind, but I have recycled the flyer that you put through my door. I did read it, but it only contained all of the promises you made before. D'ya get me? D'ya get me? Cos I'm is talkin' to you. D'ya get me? D'ya get me, brethren?...
Read full storyBritish unite against Archbishops
The British today have urged people not to let ridicule about weird freaks being Archbishops drive them to writing spoof articles about them. Two of the freaks, Dr Rowan Pervy and Dr John Pervu, said it would be 'tragic' if they lost their jobs, a...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse May Do British Concerts With Michael Jackson
The latest from a spokesman for Amy Winehouse says that his client is willing to perform on stage with Michael Jackson but then stated, "I'm reading this directly from Ms. Winehouse." "Whenever Jacko gets himself together to begin his comeback tou...
Read full story'Flu 'flu outbreak in Lower Henchcoat
Labour government millionaires had to abandon a day's expenses fiddling this afternoon, as a devastating strain of 'flu 'flu broke out in the Dorset village of Lower Henchcoat. Mrs. Agnes Z. Papier-Mache, 87, was the first to go under with the vi...
Read full storyPot Noodle Helped Me Find God
Anglical vicar Rv Ian Slamchild talked yerterday about how he lost his faith after eating a dodgy curry but found his faith returning two months later after eating a spicy curry pot noodle. "It's a miracle! Nothing less than a miracle!" He told r...
Read full storyPubs To Be Barred
In an attempt to cut down on alcohol fuelled violence the government revealed its latest plan to move pubs into police stations so as to cut out the fuss of travelling to make arrests. Drinkers will be handcuffed upon entry and made to sit in loc...
Read full storyLoud noise as John Knox turns in his grave
In the capital city of Scotland, Edinburgh, there was a loud noise today, as Protestant preacher and Reformation leader John Knox's body turned in its unadorned grave. This followed the appointment of homosexual Scott Rennie as a minister in the K...
Read full storyIndian lowest cast Dalits given publicity by the Beeb for their luxury lifestyle
Another superb "Beeb" roving reporter gave the world an insight on BBC World, into the Indian cast (slave) system and proved that the slavedrivers are acting in a "humane" and correct way. "Dalits are happy with their "Karma", and should be forced...
Read full storySomali Pirates Hijack Hubble Telescope
HOUSTON, TX - Houston's never had a problem quite like this one. Amateur astronomer Edwin Quasar, who searches the sky nightly a patch at a time hoping to be the discoverer of something new, got more than he bargained for this time. He was witness...
Read full storyTrain Arrives Late, Causing Anger
Trouble flared briefly in Birmingham this lunchtime, as passengers waiting for a train became incensed when it didn't turn up on time, leaving them stranded on a platform, and susceptible to all manner of airborne respiratory viruses. The incident...
Read full storyBNP Leader To Be 'Dealt With' By Queen
There was great news for Britain's immigrants this morning, when it was announced that Her Majesty the Queen is to meet with the leader of the British National Party (BNP), Nick Griffin, at a garden party to be held at Buckingham Palace, and that she...
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