New independent auditing plan for MPs
Plans for an independent auditing body to check MPs' expenses claims are expected to be approved next week in Westminster. The independent body, MP5 Plc, will carefully review each Member's claims for such expenses as two homes within a mile of on...
Read full storyThe Press Invites President Obama to the Prom
President Obama said he had to "respectfully decline" the invitation he got from the press to "be it's date for the prom" a few nights ago. While the president was at home spending time with his family, he said a call came through from a repre...
Read full storySpoof Expense Account Causes Uproar In Commons
A spoof expense account caused uproar in the house in the early hours of this morning, as Jeremy Bender-Blewett, a Conservative back bencher declared the spoof contents to a somewhat sleepy house. The document, leaked by a particularly malevolent...
Read full storyTony Blair, Superstar
Famous short person, Andrew Lloyd-Wubber is to produce a new west end musical based on MP's expenses claims according to sources close to the dimunitive star, the brother of Danny De-Vitalite. Although in the early stages of development, several b...
Read full storyExpenses claimed by MPs
An investigation by the Sunday BrownNoser revealed expenses claimed by MPs Gordon Brown: £800 fee on a course 'How to be a leader' Michael Martin: Speaker spent £1,400 on chauffeurs to his local job centre to claim Income support and housing benefit. Margaret Moran: £250 on a Weight Watchers course David Cameron: £2.50 for a hair cut at Imrans barbers and £25,000 on a...
Read full storyPolice find casino in Downing Street cellar
London - (Les Jeux Son Faites Mess): Police investigating the scandal of MPs' expenses have stumbled on a casino hidden deep beneath 10 Downing Street. The opulent Las Vegas-style gambling den appears to be modelled on Seizures Palace and was inst...
Read full storySaint Brigid's Well
The Irish council of Saints and Eurovision winners issued a statement today in an attempt to address public concerns about the health of Ireland's Cinderella Saint, St Brigid. St Brigid has been one of Ireland's most successful Saints to date so f...
Read full storyMPs allowances are bigger than most bankers' bonuses
MPs are facing allegations by the City that their allowances are far more generous and far less tied to performance than bankers' much maligned bonuses. In a statement for the City lobby group "FatCat", a complete banker said: "I don't where these...
Read full storyCIA to Replace Torture With Sex
Now that the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) is no longer allowed to use torture, they have resorted to old cold-war style tactics of using attractive young women to seduce the enemy into revealing secrets. "We were having very little succe...
Read full storyBig Brother: all contestants required to have terminal disease
The latest series of Big Brother will have a morbid twist - all the contestants will be suffering from a terminal disease. Producers are to use certain death in a desperate attempt to breathe life into a flagging formula. "Following the huge marke...
Read full storyChavez Threatens To Give All Of US, NATO Swine Flu!
In his latest tirade against America, Hugo Chavez claims that he may send thousands of his volunteers, all having been given the Swine Flu, into America through the easy border crossing from Mexico. "America has made a bad mistake in keeping all i...
Read full storyAnother nude photo of Carrie Prejean surfaces
In a stunning upset for staunch right-wing Christian celebrity news hounds, another nude photo of the controversial Miss California USA has made headlines across America, further tarnishing the reputation of models turned beauty queens everywhere.
Read full storyMo-Vaughan Up!
Wealdstone centre back, Joe Vaughan, 17, looks set to get his dream move to boyhood club, Millwall. Vaughan was a season ticket holder at Millwall until the 2008/09 season where he was successfully signed by local Ryman Premier club, Wealdstone FC af...
Read full storyGerry Adams doesn't refuse to take a British second home allowance
Provisional Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams, who has always refused to take his seat in Westminster due to protests against Britain's illegal 'occupation' of the six counties of Northern Ireland - despite the fact that the British there have been there...
Read full storyNo Shoes, No Shirt, No Gun, No Service!
Los Angeles,Ca.-Loving Floyd, Known as "Pretty Boy" Floyd to his friends, was tired of his West L.A. convenience store being held up. Security cameras, silent alarms, and bullet-proof glass shields all proved ineffective. Then he changed a simple sig...
Read full storyNew Racy Photos Of Miley Cyrus An Internet Prank?
For a brief time yesterday there were reportings that several racy photographs of Miley Cyrus were on the internet and several reported seeing them but that they "didn't look right". Today, fans and attorneys for the family are checking into the s...
Read full storyBuckingham Palace announce S&M practices an historical feature of royal life, shock, horror!
Shockingly Buckingham Palace has just revealed that not only Prince Harry enjoys a bit of Nazi, Sado & Maso-ing, also the Queen, Prince Philip and that expert equestrian Princess Anne regular exchange whippings, tortures and bare back horsey ridi...
Read full storyNew health scare for the middle classes as wine flu break out identified in Dulwich
Middle class families and Guardian readers where in a state of panic up and down the brasseries and gastro pubs of Britain today after the Government announced the new pandemic - Wine Flu. The symptoms of wine flu are headaches, loss of memory, a...
Read full storyAstrological condoms
Libras Libras are suave and anxious to please others. Libra condoms are the fancy European models and come in fashionable hand-painted designer packaging. Libra condoms make for an elegant accessory on the best dates. Libra condoms are aesthetically pleasing to both partners. They are reversible and can turn into a diaphragm thus sharing the responsibilities. Libra is symbolized by the...
Read full storyFear as Cockney Pandemic Sweeps UK
Large areas of East London remained cordoned-off today by the army and police. Elsewhere in the country, people from East London are being asked to make their way, silently, to rapidly constructed isolation centres. Medical experts and linguists...
Read full storyPrime Minister Brown under arrest
In unprecedented scenes, UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown has been placed under arrest by Police for jay walking in Whitehall. In a well planned operation involving twelve squad cars, six motorcycle riders and four military style armed personnel ca...
Read full storyBrassieres No Longer to Be Sold by the Pound
Brassiere vendors across the globe have renounced a recently instituted practice of charging women buying bras by the weight of their bosoms. During the short duration of the weighing of the boobies, lingerie companies have been raking in the pro...
Read full storyGordon and Andrew Brown Shared a Merry Maid among Multiple Disclosures of Guv Corruption
The Brown brothers shared a lovely merry maid from the Merry Maid and Filthy Harlot Temp agency. Leaked documents show that the British higher ups dished out almost 10,000 pounds in taxpayers money to keep themselves merry and their pretty little mai...
Read full storyPope Has "Deep Respect" for Islam and Pities Muslims and their Destiny in Hell
Pope benedict managed to go to a nation with an islamic tradition and not any medieval nutjobs about Muhammad being a son of a bitch bastard. In fact, Benedict spoke well of Islam and expressed hope that Catholicism, Judaism and Islam might be forces...
Read full storyObama's Daily "To Do" List Discovered
Like many people, President Barack Obama makes a daily "to do" list with tasks needing to be done that day. His list from Tuesday was discovered in a trash can outside of a hotel where he gave a speech that evening. It is now the object of a biddin...
Read full storyUN Investigation Concludes: 'Israel Fought In A War'
The UN has completed a report accusing Israel of going to war with Hamas in Gaza. "We have irrefutable evidence that Israel did fight in a war in Gaza", a UN spokesman said. The report accuses Israel of using weapons in the war, including bombs...
Read full storyFaroese plan for world domination DEFINITELY doesn't exist.
The average resident of the Faeroe Islands is tall and blonde with a ruddy complexion forged in the bright sunshine and fresh winds of the North Atlantic. Not many people on the world stage pay the Faroese much regard and those that do focus heavily...
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