The latest series of Big Brother will have a morbid twist - all the contestants will be suffering from a terminal disease. Producers are to use certain death in a desperate attempt to breathe life into a flagging formula.
"Following the huge marketing potential we saw with Jade (may she rest in peace) we think that we could be onto a winner." A sad, pock marked BB executive told me.
The basic idea is that no housemate has more than ten weeks to live. In order to spend some of the rest of their life with their loved ones, they need to get voted out by the public. The loser is therefore the one who stays in the house the longest and will be destined to pass away alone, in the full glare on publicity, being comforted only by the voice of Davina.
"We have had sex, violence and mental illness on the show" the pallid little man continued "we think we need a death. As we saw with Jade, it can do wonders for your figures"
The executive also let slip a possible twist planned for later in the series: "If none of them have actually died after the fifth week, we have a man who recently contracted swine flu in Mexico all set to go and live with them."
As one hopeful housemate put it: "I'm dying to get into the Big brother house this year"
