David Attenborough receives ASBO from dolphins
Sir David Attenborough, the face and voice of British natural history programmes, was left bewildered yesterday at having received an ASBO following filming of his new series "The lives of dolphins." As a result of an order he is banned from approach...
Read full storyWallyMart Closes Down 15 More Competitors
A spokesman for WallyMart announced today that they have succeeded in closing down 15 more of it's competitors in the food store line along with 204 other small stores in 2008. The 15 chain food stores that went belly-up last year were: Mom & Pups Ned Beatty's Piggly Wiggly Name It, Claim It, For A Buck Salvage R Us WillyMart Hannibal's Sushi Bargains Ron's Meat Beater'...
Read full storyRobbie Williams to join Boyzone
Robbie Williams has shocked the pop world by announcing he will be joining the recently reformed "boy" band boyzone. The news was leaked to Damien Green, who was immediately arrested. On his release he made the following statement on behalf of Mr...
Read full storyMark Hughes And Big Phil Scolari To Swap Jobs
A sensational story from the Premiership this evening, as news broke that Manchester City manager, Mark Hughes, and Big Phil Scolari of Chelsea, both of whom have made a right hash of easy positions, are to swap jobs. Hughes took over at Eastlands...
Read full storyCelebrity Big Brother suspended
Celebrity Big Brother was dramatically brought to a halt last night after the house mates ran out of conversation. A spokesperson explaind: "We have a complex set of selection criteria when we choose the line up each year. Unfortunately we now rea...
Read full storyOld Car Found In Garage To Go To Auction
When Horace Herriederson of Oldham discovered an old car in a lock up garage it didn't take him long to twig that he was onto a potential moneyspinner. "It won't fetch nearly as much as that Classic Bugatti they found in a garage up Tyneside way,"...
Read full storyStill More Entainment News Gossip
In the country of Kenya, it has been reported that there have been over 1,000 babies born with the name of Barack Obama given by the parents, at least three of them girls. Interestingly enough, the number one name for boys in both the states of Nort...
Read full storyReaders Agree: The Spoof Turned My Life Around in 2008!
League of Nations/ Belgium - Iconoclastic editor of the world's most widely read Satire Site, Mark Lowton, accepted the JERRY SPRINGER AWARD for his creation, TheSpoof.com. Results from an unsolicited poll of the site's readership credit it with...
Read full storyBush blames Hammers for Gazza hell
Upton Park - (Offside Mess): George W Bush has waded into the quagmire of British football tragedy and blamed West Ham FC player abstinence policies for Paul Gascoigne's plight. The 41 year old 57 times England-capped midfielder was notoriously re...
Read full storyBiden and Gore Endorse New "High Tech Underwear" - Promotes Increased Sex Drive and Hair Growth!
Washington,DC/ Washington Post/Life Style Section - VP Joe "Rambo" Biden and Hedge Fund Manager/Solar Dildo spokesman Al Gore, both agree: their new underwear has freed their libido, as well as reinvigorated their hair follicles! The exciting an...
Read full storyElvis VS Billy Carter
Although we lost Hamilton Jordan, who was Chief of Staff during the Carter administration, in May of 2008, he left several stories that have been passed around close friends of the family. One of Jordan's favorites was that the Singer Elvis Presle...
Read full storyNew planet discovered and named Obama
Today NASA, the North American Senator Agency, announced it had discovered a new planet in our solar system, and named it Obama. Spokesman Professor Cape Kennedy said: 'The new planet can be seen from all parts of the world, but it has a curious m...
Read full storyPortsmouth buy Santa - Cruz - James to take over
South coast hack Ernie "Tom" Cruz reports from Portsmouth that the club have bought Santa Claus for an undisclosed sum. Tony Adams has not revealed the terms of the deal but it is reported to be a long term one involving a steady supply of mince pies...
Read full storyDon't Know's Stage Mass Rally In Central London
Tens of thousands of 'don't knows', 'undecideds,' and 'not sures' converged on Central London Today for a massed rally of people who have difficulty in making their minds up about stuff. A Metropolitan Police spokesman stated that he could neither...
Read full storyLittle Fella Big Brother Favourite
He may be only just over two feet tall but already Verne Troyer the American actor is the bookies favourite to win this year's Celebrity Big Brother. The Austin Powers Mini Me is already proving a big hit with the viewers owing to the 'cute and cu...
Read full storyCBB's Terry Christian In Hot Water Already
Big Brother House - He may have only been in the Celebrity Big Brother house for a matter of hours, but already music journo and career Mancunian Terry Christian has managed to get right up the collective noses of Manchester United fans. Christian...
Read full storyIndians infultrate Indiana
Indians have infultrated Indiana in one of the largest infestations known in iniquity. Incredible to believe, inhabitations of Indians have invaded the US state of Indiana in insane proportions. These Indians are injurious to Indiana folk who...
Read full storySarah Palin is Dick Cheney in Drag
Hidden surveillance tapes hidden in the women's restroom of the White House have exposed a scandal of unbelievable magnitude - Sarah Palin is really Dick Cheney in drag. The security tape has captured Cheney dressing in some of the $150,000 wor...
Read full storyEU President to Ban Soccer in Europe
The Czech Republic marked the start of its six-month term of the European Union presidency on January 1st 2009 with its deputy Prime Minister in charge of EU affairs, Alexander Armadildo, announcing he intends to enforce a prohibition on professional...
Read full storyBritain Extends Christmas
In a surprise move today, which has come as a surprise to many, Gordon Brown has announced the surprise extension of Christmas until the end of January. "Many were expected to return to work on Friday" said Mr Brown, " but with New Year celebratio...
Read full storyLiverpool Fans Organise Collection To Pay Steven Gerrard's Fine
Steven Gerrard, the Liverpool and England player, had some uplifting news this morning, when it was announced that a section of the club's supporters have decided to organise a collection to pay for the impoverished star's fine. Liverpool revealed...
Read full storySimon's XXX Factor
Money making guru Simon Cowell plans to launch a new show in ITV's spring schedules to find Britain's newest porn star. Cowell said yesterday, "Over several series of the X Factor, I have been amazed by the British public's readiness to prostitut...
Read full storyHRH Shaun Ryder
Buckingham Palace sources yesterday confirmed that Shaun Ryder is shortly to be revealed as replacement for the increasingly failing Prince Philip. An unnamed insider from the Palace publicity department stated. "old age is starting to catch up wi...
Read full storyBugs Bunny Comes Clean About Dressing Like a Girl Bunny
San Fernando Valley, CA- Bugs Bunny, beloved cartoon character and arguably the most famous 'toon ever has said something he's wanted to say for a long, long time. He likes, no, he loves dressing as the Girl Bunny. The Girl Bunny was one of Bu...
Read full storyMugabe resigns
Succumbing to public outcry and intense media scrutiny over his alleged October 2008 sexual liaison with a Presidential Palace concubine, embattled Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe finally resigned last night. "Bob has finally done the right thi...
Read full storyBattersea Bill strikes again
A have a go war veteran stunned onlookers when he confronted a would-be teenage thief dressed in a sinister all white outfit. The 88 year old man wrestled with the youth while a crowd of 50 were said to have looked on in astonishment. According to...
Read full story'Home brand' honey produced by battery farm bees claim animal rights activists.
Animal rights activists are planning a series of protests against a number of major supermarket chains after accusations of 'Entemological exploitation' surfaced on the internet. Dave Blinker, Spokesman for 'Friends not Food' believes tha...
Read full storyTibet to Change Name in Honor of Barack Obama
Tibet, the mountainous country "at the top of the world" that has been controlled by China for many years, has decided to change the name of a beloved citizen to honor newly elected U.S. President Barack Obama. To commememorate the election of the...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Announces Career Plans For After Obama's Inauguration
United States President George W. Bush has announced plans for after he leaves the White House following the Barack Obama Inauguration. Bush had previously not been talkative about his goals, plans, or pursuits beginning in late January. "Well, f...
Read full storyDaniel Craig Voted Worst James Bond of All Times
Daniel Craig, the new James Bond actor who is loved and worshiped by all movie fans under the age of 16, was recently voted the worst James Bond by the vast majority of people in the English speaking world over the age of 25 (to include those under t...
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