Written by Everyman

Saturday, 3 January 2009

image for David Attenborough receives ASBO from dolphins
Dolphins say enough is enough

Sir David Attenborough, the face and voice of British natural history programmes, was left bewildered yesterday at having received an ASBO following filming of his new series "The lives of dolphins." As a result of an order he is banned from approaching any dolphin or porpoise if he is accompanied by a film crew.

The case was brought by a school of bottlenose dolphins which spend the summer off St David's Wales. A solicitor for the dolphins read out the following statement: "My clients became increasingly frustrated by the intrusive behaviour of Sir David. He was always watching them chat, defecate and even have sex. When they leapt up out of the sea to complain in perfectly reasonable dolphin terms, which often involves performing a somersault, he just seemed to get more excited and take more footage."

Apparently the last straw was when Sir David started filming the young of the pod, encouraging them to perform tricks by offering small fish. The solicitor said:"How would you feel if your kids were being followed round by a seventy year old asking them to do things for treats. The man's a menace."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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