A have a go war veteran stunned onlookers when he confronted a would-be teenage thief dressed in a sinister all white outfit. The 88 year old man wrestled with the youth while a crowd of 50 were said to have looked on in astonishment.
According to reports, the hero, poppy wearing Bill Taylor from Battersea in South London terrified the potential thug so much that he simply fled the scene, discarding what can only be described as a lethal looking wooden bat.
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Nick Thompson, a 35-year-old IT technician who witnessed the drama from his office, said: "He just walked up to the boy, grabbed his shoulder, put what looked like a loaded gun to his head and threatened to spill his brains out all over the high street. I thought it was brilliant that someone in this day and age can still have the courage to take on someone much younger and bigger. Heroes like that don't think twice about these things."
He added: "There must have been about 40 to 50 people watching but he was the only one who thought, 'Hang on a minute, I'm not putting up with this.' We were all amazed he had the guts to do it."
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Talking to our Home Affairs correspondent, plucky Bill said : "When I saw this teenager coming into the shop with such a lethal looking weapon I knew I had to act quickly. Luckily I had my old EM-2 Bullpup assault rifle with me [*]. He certainly didn't expect to see that pressing against his forehead at 3:30 on a Sunday afternoon. As I have always said, live by the sword, die by the sword. He had it coming to him, young people nowadays have no respect for the law".
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However Surrey Police have issued a statement that they wish to interview Mr Taylor as a matter of urgency.
Detective Inspector John Wadsworth of Richmond CID said: "We have received reports that on the 26th of October 2008 Mark Bambridge, 17 from Kingston, Surrey was viciously attacked on his way home from playing cricket by an elderly gentleman brandishing what looked like a weapon from the Second World War. If it is who we think it is he has been randomly attacking teenagers for over 10 years. Last month he abducted a 14 year old paper boy and held him in his garage for over 48 hours claiming that he had captured Alan Titchmarsh [**]. He normally uses an old World War One bayonet. It is worrying that he now appears to have got hold of a fire arm. He should have been behind bars years ago but the last time we managed to get him to court for attacking a scout hut with hand grenades the judge decided that a prison sentence would not be appropriate due to his age".
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Mr Wadswoth added: "Basically 'Barmy Bill' as he has become known, is at liberty to do what he wants. This man might not have his own teeth or indeed any bladder control but I warn you he is armed and dangerous. As he constantly claims that both his neighbours are Nazi war criminals I would advise the residents of both 15 and 19 Glenwood Avenue SW11 to get some high security protection in the not too distant future. In April 2006 Mr Taylor released a press statement saying that, if asked, he would not allow NATO inspectors permission to search his property for Biological weapons".
[*] The EM-2, Also known as Rifle No9 Mk1 or "Janson rifle", was an experimental British assault rifle. However it never went into production due to the United States claiming that it 'lacked fire power'. With a range of no more than 2ft it was rendered useless as a long range weapon. However it was still used by some soldiers as a club in arm to arm combat.
[**] As far as the Spoof is aware no warrant has been put out for Mr Titchmarsh's arrest.
