Cristiano Ronaldo Ferrari Possessed By Princess Diana's Ghost
The Ferrari crashed by Manchester United's Portuguese whinger, Cristiano Ronaldo, was impounded by Greater Manchester Police this morning, after it emerged that the vehicle may have been possessed by the ghost of Princess Diana. Ronaldo ploughed t...
Read full storySerial Killer Escapes from Prison
An infamous serial killer named Waylon Jones has recently escaped from prision. Waylon, or as his friends call him, "The Croc", was discovered missing from his cell in New York State Penitentary last night. Approximately three hours later his signat...
Read full storyThe Rocket Man Has a "Thing" for the Piano Man
Amidst the number of rock and roll guitarists in the world, between Bruce Springsteen and Chuck Berry, beyond Jimi Hendrix and Led Zeppelin, there are 2 famous rock musicians, relying mostly on their pianos- Billy Joel and Sir Elton John. Billy...
Read full storyGovernment to tax foreign people living abroad
The Government today announced a measure to get money flowing into the economy that doesn't involve more motoring stealth taxes. From tomorrow, any foreigners living abroad will be subject to a non-domiciliary tax at a rate of 1.5%. The Chancellor...
Read full storyNew Blow for UK's Fattest Town
Already reeling from being exposed as Britain's fattest town only days ago, residents of Barnsley now find that they have also earned the unenviable moniker of Britain's stupidest town too. Highbrow Sociologist Tristram Wankwhistle commented, "it'...
Read full storyFlatulent father drowns himself in poop!
A Father of three from Kingswood in Kent has drowned himself whilst using a bizarre home made mask he developed specifically for smelling his own farts. Clifford Shellbreaker who lived in a bungalow off Gravelly Bottom Road had a strange fascinati...
Read full storyPrince Harry to be tried at Nuremberg
Prince Harry has been suspended from the British Army today, and will be tried at Nuremberg for calling a colleague 'a kraut'. The incident happened three years ago, and many journalists burst into tears as they watched the video of the Prince cal...
Read full storyCentenarian Lobster Freed by Popular Vote
Lawyers for a lobster who waded ashore to celebrate his 140th birthday on Canada's Newfoundland coastline have secured his release from the confines of a tank at a New York restaurant. Lonnie the giant lobster, weighing 9kg (20lb), was caught by...
Read full storyTeen queens, Brenda Song and Selena Gomez Fighting? The latest feud
Teen queens, Brenda Song and Selena Gomez are reportedly fighting. According to the voices in my head, the former-BFFs are not in speaking terms. The last time these beauties were spotted together was in October. Gomez betrayed Song and publicly...
Read full storyGeorge Bush visits Gaza
Today, President George W Bush visited the Gaza Strip in Israel, and was greeted by thousands of Palestinian wellwishers. Palestinian President Mahmud Roq'tcsbah said: 'We welcome you, Your Holiness, and wish to thank you for all you have done for...
Read full storyExcerpt From Stephen King's New Book "The Zombies Of Bugtussle"
"Howdy Fred. Catching many BRAINS! Uh, I mean fish." "Why I hadn't seen you in a coon's age, Billy Joe. You look a little different without that John Deere cap. What Ya'll up to these days?" "Oh, just this and t-t BRAINS!! that. That BRAINS!! I see you're still listening to Hank Brains Brains Goood!! Williams." "Yep, I gotta extra pole in the truck. Want me to get it?" "Brains! Must H...
Read full storyMasturbatory Oils of the World: Top Xmas Gift
Amid the disasterous sales shortfalls of the holiday season, came a shocking report from a small startup in Tucson AZ. Raine Blay Industries, maker of your standard sex toys like the RU Board Muff Motor, Stiffy the Magic Eel and the Jrnombligo Champi...
Read full storyChurch goers forced to talk in tongues
Speaking in tongues is a controversial practice to many Christians, but others consider it a gift from God. And many people who attend the Our Lady of Much Weeping Pentecostal Church in Camden Town, North London, pray for that gift. However rec...
Read full storySomalia Pirates Receive Bounty, Fight Between Themselves
Five Somali pirates were drowned at sea yesterday when a wave washed off their getaway boat as they squabbled over how to split their $3 million bounty they had just received from Saudi Arabia. The ransom had been paid to the pirates to end the w...
Read full storyPrince Harry Opens Mouth Too Far, May Get A Regurgitated Worm
According to an article in "News Of The World", the brave little soldier prince has apparently poured shame on the Royal Family once again as he calls an Asian "our little Paki friend" and tells another officer cadet jokingly wearing a camouflage vei...
Read full storyBlair's 13 January gong ceremony storm
Washington AC/DC - (9/11 Mess): Booting the Obama family from its rightful Blair House bivouac is merely the icing on the Presidential Medal of Freedom fruitcake for ex-UK Prime Monster Tony Blair, our Washington correspondent writes. While the Ob...
Read full storyJonathon Ross Causes BBC Ratings To Reach Lowest Ever Recorded!
The once-popular entertainer, Jonathon Ross, suspended for 3 months (on full pay) for making an obscene phone call with his mate Russell Brand, has returned to the small screen with his chat show 'Friday Night with Jonathon Ross' and has set a rating...
Read full storyLab Apologizes for Email Mixup
Atlanta, Ga. - The School sisters of Saint Marys were stunned, Father was Angry and some Clients aren't speaking to him. The reason? An obscene message sent to all contacts listed on the email account of Mr. Charles Stumpf of Macon . "I can under...
Read full storyYet More from Celebrity Big Brother... yawn!
As Celebrity Big Brother grinds on to it's inevitable conclusion, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find anything to write about! All of the, 'celebrities' are so numbingly dull that no new material has emerged from the house in days. So I fin...
Read full storyMobile Phones The Next Generation
The next generation of mobile phones currently in development, will be so intelligent that the will drive to work for you, do your job, drive home again in the evening, stopping off at the supermarket on the way and make your dinner for you. A spo...
Read full storyGod PLC in Woolworths Buy Out
Astonishment has swept the business world this morning as God plc has made an offer to rescue the doomed Woolworths chain. It appears that the move is an attempt to block a similar take over bid by Satan Inc, who wanted to convert the Woolworths c...
Read full storyRepublicans Pissed at Obama's Mom-In-Law in White House
Republicans in Congress have now switched gears from laughing at the Democratic Blagojevich fiasco to cursing about the imminent arrival of President-elect Obama's mother-in-law, Ms. Marian Robinson, into the White House. This unexpected development...
Read full storyDoughnut Shops Planned for Gaza
Toronto - Tom Timbits, CEO of the largest Doughnut chain in Canada, Tim Hortons, has announced a plan to expand to the Gaza strip which he says will "tap into a new market and potentially end the deadly conflict as well." "People who come to Canad...
Read full storyPalin Strikes Back at Media
WASHINGTON - Sarah Palin, still smarting over coverage of her vice presidential run, calls the media's reporting on her family "very scary" and says there may be "a class issue" behind the more sympathetic treatment of Caroline Kennedy explaining,"I...
Read full storySir Alex Ferguson Offers Rafa Benitez Outside For A Ruck
Sir Alex Ferguson today launched an astonishing riposte to Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez's tirade regarding alleged football authority pro Manchester United bias. The master of sporting psychological warfare declared: "Benitez? I'll fight him...
Read full storyJimmy Carter In Deep Doo Doo Again: May be Linked to Bad Peanut Butter
Peanutville, Ga/ Peanut News Bulletin - When it rains it pours, and lately Jimmy Carter can't seem to build a roof that won't leak to put over his head to keep from getting soaked in continued Media Storms! First it was noted that a "go fast" 17...
Read full storyOpen Letter from Hugo Chavez to Barry Obama: HELP!
Caracas, Venezuela Office of the President January 10, 2009 TO: Barack Hussein Obama II President United States of America Chicago, Illinois Hola me Amigo Barrio! Forgive my informal address, but I feel we are brothers, even though I have never been friendly with a "darkman" before. But I feel our roots are from the same type of fertile backround, me from the slums of Caracas, you fig...
Read full storyBBC In National Lottery Ceefax Shambles
The BBC is in hot water tonight after a new National Lottery mistake appears to have cost at least one member of the public a massive £4million jackpot payout. Terence Alshite, from Dorset, who plays Lotto every week with the same numbers - 5, 8,...
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