Jonathon Ross Causes BBC Ratings To Reach Lowest Ever Recorded!

Written by IN SEINE

Sunday, 11 January 2009

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A repeat of 'Midsomer Murders' is better than a Friday Night with Jonathon Ross'!

The once-popular entertainer, Jonathon Ross, suspended for 3 months (on full pay) for making an obscene phone call with his mate Russell Brand, has returned to the small screen with his chat show 'Friday Night with Jonathon Ross' and has set a ratings record - ONE VIEWER!

This has caused the BBC to review its terms of contract with Ross who is one of the highest paid presenters. A spokesman for the BBC, Tom Markson, told In Seine News today;

"We are extremely concerned that this programme has backfired on us because we thought that such a controversial figure would have brought viewers back in their droves, but instead it has driven them away. The licence payers have definitely showed their disdain and gone to other channels. We should have sacked him when we had the chance!"

"To produce a show costs thousands of pounds; what with all the cameramen, sound crew, studio lighting - even the recorded, laughing, audience costs electric to run the tape. What for? Nothing! Nothing I tell you. To have one viewer is such a waste. The viewer turns out to be a Mrs Ross who lives in Nelson Mandela House - a block of flats in Peckham. This lady turns out to be Jonathon Ross's mother who was just waiting for a repeat of Midsomer Murders to end so that she could watch the news on ITV1, and worst of all, she is over 80 and doesn't have to pay for a licence!"

"As it turns out, we could've bought 10 Woolworths shops for what we pay Ross" said Markson with retrospective dismay.

Meanwhile, it is rumoured that more than a million licence payers are to demonstrate outside Shepherd's Bush on Saturday calling for Ross's immediate resignation.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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