Peanutville, Ga/ Peanut News Bulletin - When it rains it pours, and lately Jimmy Carter can't seem to build a roof that won't leak to put over his head to keep from getting soaked in continued Media Storms!
First it was noted that a "go fast" 17 day housing blitz in the northern Florida swamps he spearheaded with a construction crew headed by liberal Hollywood airheads was falling apart at the seams. The homes, only 8 years old, were built on a rubbish pile, and crumbling foundations are tearing the houses apart, allowing a horde of vermin easy entrance.
Only last week The Spoof reported on the same group that had been subcontracted to complete the construction on the $1B US Embassy in Baghdad.
Not only is the new "high security" building riddled with hi tech bugs planted by sympathetic liberals in the tank for the likes of Hugo Chavez, but the 104 acres of land housing "Fortress America" has now been revealed to be the burial place for the thousands of missing WMD's that escaped the scrutiny of the near sighted Bush Administration led by Donald Rumsfeld, the Republican clone of that other great Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara.
But that ain't all! The Food and Drug Administration is now linking over 400 salmonella outbreaks in 42 states to the peanut butter industry, for which the Ole Peanut Farmer is a national spokesman and lobbyist when he isn't muddling around the globe trying to settle thousand year old religious disputes.
Effects of the outbreak have so far not been life threatening, but have caused acute diarrhea and discomfort to the victims. Doctors said victims are "literally shitting their pants!"
Commenting from Washington, a retired long time Carter watcher, Duncan Whitehead, said he wasn't surprised. "Everything the man touches seems to turn to shit," he said sadly, "it forced me into early retirement, really."
