Black Hole Contains More Black Holes
A Giant Black Hole (GBH) has been discovered in the centre of our galaxy, which contains, amongst other things, another black hole which, in turn, has more black holes, possibly to an infinite range, making it difficult to establish what might lay at...
Read full storyChitty Chitty Bang Bang to star in Top Gear
In what is expected to be a fascinating show, some of the greatest motors to appear on the big screen will be examined and critiqued by the 'Monsters of the Automotive world'; Jeremy Clarkson, James May and 'Little Richard'Hammond.. The cars will be...
Read full storyFDA Approves Agent Orange as Flavor Agent
WASHINGTON DC - Today, on the first day of 2009, FDA spokesperson Dr. Strangedeath announced that Agent Orange is approved as the orange flavor agent. In fact, approval for all other orange flavors, including oranges, is revoked, per the Alimentary...
Read full storyDr. Drew May Quit Celebrity Rehab
Dr. Drew Pinsky, host of the popular VH1 reality show Celebrity Rehab, said he is thinking of quitting the television show. In an interview with People magazine Pinsky said that although the premise of the show was noble, the reality has made him rec...
Read full storyRecession Hits World's Oldest Profession
A recession in Las Vegas and Reno, Nevado has hit not only the casinos but the world's oldest profession extremely hard. To drum up business a bit more, prostitutes are now also doing odd jobs like washing and waxing your car. "We had to invent s...
Read full storyParis Hilton Plans To 'Blow Up The World' In '09
New Yawk, NY-- Paris Hilton says she is "bored with living" and is making plans to blow-up the world in 2009. The sultry, sexy seductress says she's simply sad, so suicide seems sane--sometimes. Paris Hilton's IQ is imeasurable. Everyone in th...
Read full storyNew Israeli Nazi Party formed
Today, in Tel-Aviv, a new Israeli Nazi Party was formed. It's leader, Shimon Peron, said: 'Our country has been riddled by Palestinians, so now we will deal with the vermin. First, we'll put them all in a huge ghetto - OK, we already did that - t...
Read full storyEntertainment World News
Ophrah Winfrey is blaming Michelle Obama for her recent weight gain to over 200 pounds. "She had a security guard sit on me and forced fed me ten sweet potato pies", stated Oprah. "I think there's still one in there they missed." Paula Abdul and S...
Read full storyMan Hurt In Cracker-Pulling Accident
A man has been seriously injured in an accident whilst pulling a Christmas cracker at his home in Rotherham, South Yorkshire. Herbert Stigfold, 83, a lonely old man who lives on his own, had found a box of crackers round the back of the local Wool...
Read full storyCynics Predict 2009 as Totally Bonkers Year
Cynics worldwide are predicting 2009 will be the barmiest year in recorded history to date, and there may well be some accuracy to their claim as even leaders of the Church of Perpetual Optimism are agreeing with them. Professor Theobald Headbange...
Read full storyIt's that Time of Year Again
EVERYWHERE, Earth - It's that time of year again, when we have to get together with family members who are even smellier and older than we remembered from last year. What to do? Feel like baking a cake? A pie? Cookies? Are you kidding! This is getting old, this bit. Thanks to the wonders of modern science and chemistry, it is now possible to entertain AND hasten the death of those you de...
Read full storyUnited States Travel Alert
Travel Alert United States Department of State Bureau of Republican Affairs Washington, DC This information is current as of today. Washington D.C. - This Travel Alert is being issued to alert Washington D.C. Republicans to the fact that non-emergency employees and family members have been authorized and encouraged to have a back up vocational plan. This Travel Alert also warns all U.S. R...
Read full storyThe Queens Speech Part II
The Queen has taken an unusual step, adding an amendment to her Christmas Day address. Interestingly, from the content of the latest speech it seems widespread use of fashionable buzz words and in-phrases annoy The Queen as much as they annoy the rest of us. "One would like to add to ones earlier speech.. something which one forgot to mention as one was a little drunk. It has come to ones a...
Read full storyForced To Wear Artificial Dong?
Personal Privates Advocates (PPA) are questioning an aggressive Arkansas law that took place last week to the effect that it is causing sex offenders to carry around a fake 24 inch dong hanging out the front of their pants. "Arkansas is trying to...
Read full storyChaos Theory to be vindicated by Inauguration Day Sun/Mercury conjunction
Washington AC/DC - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): A messy Inauguration Day solar conjunction with retrograde Mercury in the first degree of Aquarius will vindicate predictions for a chaotic start to the Obama Administration. The Skull 'n' Bones Club w...
Read full storySecrets of the Illuminati
For years, ordinary people have scoffed at seemingly crazed loonies as they gibber on about Planet Earth being ruled by an alien species of lizard, known as the Illuminati. Now, through a chance encounter, a relatively sane rent boy, currently of no fixed abode in the King's Cross area of central London, seems to corroborate the mentalist theory. Terry Towlin-Robe, previously educated at Har...
Read full storyThe Poop on the FDA's Aspartame
Palm Breach Pist, United States - Editorial - Aspartame, is now claimed to be a natural product since it is made from "natural" amino acids L-aspartic acid and L-phenylalanine. How does it taste? Like crap. But, because it makes people overeat and get sick, two great ways to stimulate the economy, if you own medical or food stocks, it is now added to food under the guise of a "natural flavor...
Read full storyMark Ballas Injuries Both His Little "Ballas"
In Los Angeles, California, Mark Ballas will be taking a break from the 'Dancing With The Stars' tour after suffering "a groin injury", Hollywood sources has learned, Monday. The popular 'Dancing With The Stars' star, who won the competition with...
Read full storyPrince Edward Demonstrates the Royal Prerogative
The RSPCA has said it's looking at claims Prince Edward may have struck a pair of beaters with his official scrote-whacking stick on the Queen's Sandringham estate in Norfolk over the Christmas holiday period. The investigation started after comp...
Read full storyWorld Record 'Auld Lang Syne' Attempt Fails
As the New Year celebrations wound up to a crescendo with more than 400,000 revellers packed into London's Trafalgar Square last night, news came that an attempt to break the world record for the number of people singing Auld Lang Syne, had failed.
Read full storyCompound Keeps Donor Organs Fresher than Springtime
SCARBOROUGH, England - It's snowing outside and the wind is howling, but you take comfort from the warm coal fire and the good steak-and-kidney pie that mom-mom prepared for the family to eat. On a slick, cold and blustery night here, it can take...
Read full story1st. Quarter of 2009 extended by 2 weeks
Following the sucessful extension of 2009 by 1 second to bring clocks into line with the earth's rotation, G.20 the world's top 20 economic powers have decided to extend the 1st quarter of 2009 to April 14th. Economists realised that the 1 second...
Read full storyPotty mouth saves Mrs Barlow
An elderly shopkeeper told yesterday how she scared off two knife wielding raiders by using a stream of swear words. Brave Joan Barlow, 69, decided that the only way to fight off the yobs was to use offensive language. The balaclava-clad pair,...
Read full storyThree Hurt In Scalextric Smash
A father and his two young sons were injured yesterday when the Scalextric cars they were driving collided and skidded off the track they were playing on at their Lancashire home. David Detritus, 32, and his sons, Ben, 6, and Toby, 4, were racing...
Read full storyChina Finds Huge Dinosaur Bone Cache
SHANDHIDE, China - A huge collection of dinosaur bones was found, the biggest collection of dinosaur bones ever discovered. Scientists in China say the bones were coated with tangy sweet and sour sauce. The boneologists, from the Chinese Academ...
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