Remembrance Day Nothing To Do With Me Says Amnesiac
The Cenotaph, Whitehall, London, England - Hardened Glaswegian alcoholic and homeless person Mr Fergus McDipstick today launched an astonishing assault on members of the International Press Corps. McDipstick challenged assembled press notaries tha...
Read full storyStrictly Come Dancing Judge Len Goodman Resigns After John Sergeant Survives Again
There was a major controversy tonight on the BBC 1 show Strictly Come Dancing, when Len Goodman, the judges' leader, resigned and walked off after John Sergeant, the most terrible dancer in the world, survived the public vote yet again. Goodman,…
Read full storyObama and Michael Jackson ''Face Off'' Shock!
In a stunning revelation following his sensational Presidential win, President elect Barack Obama has revealed that he was actually born white. "Yes it's true" said Obama from his Chicago HQ. Obama claims that he suffers from a bizarre reversal...
Read full storyZac + Anne = Love
We have this interview with a singer from Asia, her name is Anne Hestia Anne: let me introduce myself, I'm Anne and I have a couple of albums (what's on your mind) and (the truth). I was born in 1994 in S.Y.R and moved to USA when I was 10. Mag: how come we haven't heard of you before? Anne: I didn't publish my albums because I wanted to keep my identity hidden for a while, I didn't want...
Read full storySurvivalist Found In Bad Way
Top TV Survivalist Grizzly Rotisserie was rushed to Homerton Hospital, Hackney in the early hours of this morning after being found slumped in a Well Street shop doorway suffering from malnutrition, dehydration, delerium, and chapped lips. Rotisss...
Read full storyOusted New Zealand PM to take up Modelling
Defeated New Zealand Premier "Miss Helen Clark" is to pursue a modelling career following Labour's defeat in the New Zealand General elections last Saturday. A spokesman for Ms Clark confirmed that it was her teeth that have been appearing as heal...
Read full storySome Scientists Determine Global Warming Ending
Scientists have determined that global warming has slowed considerably and may have ended earlier this month. The end of the phenomenon coincided exactly with the end of the political campaign season and United States Elections. Said Dr. Horace W...
Read full storyLame Duck President Bush Passes Executive Orders to Limit Obama
Lame Duck President George W. Bush signed several executive orders this week in an attempt to keep President Elect Barack Obama from embarrassing the United States. Said Bush, "I am just afraid that this guy (who is sometimes Barry and sometimes B...
Read full storyRat Poison from China Contaminated with Food
Grand Forks ND - A spike in the pickleweasel population in the state has been linked to contaminated rat poison from China. Scientists at the University of North Dakota say that the poison, Rataway, which attacks the nervous system, has traces of foo...
Read full storyBarack Obama To Outlaw Hate Groups
At the urging of the NAACP and LULAC, President Elect Barack Obama has vowed to dedicate his presidency to the eradication of hate groups. Said Obama, "A hate group is any organization that promotes the agenda of one race or ethnic group over th...
Read full storyIndian Satellite Orbiting Moon
India is currently jubilant and celebrating the arrival of its Vindaloo 1 spacecraft at the Moon. A reverse thrusters blast from its fiery garam masala hot fusion nuclear drive unit on Saturday evening (local time) slowed the Vindaloo 1 sufficientl...
Read full storyObamessiah to usher in a 'Golden Age'
After emerging victorious from one of the most obamafying elections in the history of United States, president-elect Barack Hussein Obama would magically solve all the problems the world is facing currently and usher our planet into a 'Golden Age' (a...
Read full storyWow!
When our primordial father found out that he was really helpless, defenseless, and mortal, he resorted to denial. To overcome his great fear he unilaterally employed an invincible power to protect him in cases of emergencies or despair, of course, in consideration of some regular payments. Since his employee did not live up to grandpa's expectations, i.e. taking sides, grandpa secretly took a bite...
Read full storySarah Palin to have Tit implants
Sarah Palin may not have achieved success in the elections but the Alaskan beauty is not going to let her 15 minutes fade away that easily. Her answer? Tits. And lots of them. It's reported that Palin has splashed out (with someone else's mone...
Read full storyObama Declares Gay Sharia Law Marxist Black Hispanic Agrarian Society
Washington (IPP) - Obama has declared that America will henceforth be a gay, sharia law, Marxist, black/hispanic, agrarian society. "Starting on Monday there will be total redistribution of the wealth as blacks and others falling under the new tit...
Read full storyHull City To Produce Special Christmas Cards With Geovanni Depicted As The Baby Jesus
Hull City, the Premier League 'newboys', have unveiled plans to send their loyal fans special Christmas cards depicting Brazilian striker Geovanni as the baby Jesus. Geovanni was a gift to Hull from Manchester City when he came to East Yorkshire i...
Read full storyA Coronation in the Dragon Kingdom
A process of modernisation is underway in the Himalayan kingdom of Shittan and a young, new king has just ascended the throne in a ceremony steeped in pagan smoke and mirrors ritual. The royal palace, designed by Disney Corporation architects and...
Read full storyBlack Caps Challenge Aussies to Beer Drinking Competition
Star Black Caps batsman Jessie Ryder has challenged the Australian Cricket team to a beer drinking competition. Ths Aussies are due to host a series against New Zealand later this month hard on the heels of their humiliating 2-0 defeat by India.
Read full storyBen & Jerry's New Obama Flavor: Cinnamon Rocky Road
Cowshed, Vermont - Ice cream moguls, Ben & Jerry have unleashed their latest concoction in honor of Barack Obama's recent election as President of the United States - Cinnamon Rocky Road. Ben & Jerry are noted as much for their p...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse "I'm A Fraud" sensation!
At a packed media conference this morning, Amy Winehouse, demure in a Laura Ashley print, admitted to a stunned press that she had "just pretended" to be the bad girl of rock. "I can't take it anymore",the one time girlscout and head prefect whisp...
Read full story"Honest" Abes Other Little-Known Nicknames
Through much research, it can now be revealed the top ten other little-known nicknames that President Abraham Lincoln was known as over the years as a politician, other than "Honest Abe". This research was done in commemoration of Lincoln's 200th birthday next year. Top Ten Abraham Lincoln Little-Known Other Nicknames: 10. Bullet Head 9. The Illinois Big Boy 8. Ready, Willing &...
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