Lame Duck President George W. Bush signed several executive orders this week in an attempt to keep President Elect Barack Obama from embarrassing the United States.
Said Bush, "I am just afraid that this guy (who is sometimes Barry and sometimes Barack, sometimes white and sometimes black, sometimes Christian and sometimes Moslem, and who doesn't even know how many states there are in this county) might embarrass us on the international stage even more than I have. Heck, when I was a kid, we were taught that we had 48 states."
New laws signed by the President include:
- Outlawing the serving of fried chicken (with livers and gizzards) at official state dinners
- Outlawing the holding of watermelon seed spitting contests off of the balcony of the Oval Office.
- Outlawing painting the Presidential Limousine purple to 'pimp it out."
- Banning use of the word "change" for the next four years.
- Banning usage of the East Lawn as the offical place to face Mecca and say prayers daily.
- Banning replacing any former presidential portraits in the White House with velvet paintings.
- Banning the use of ebonics in cabinet meetings.
- Requiring the wearing of pants by all men and outlawing the wearing of Middle Eastern style robes.
