At a packed media conference this morning, Amy Winehouse, demure in a Laura Ashley print, admitted to a stunned press that she had "just pretended" to be the bad girl of rock.
"I can't take it anymore",the one time girlscout and head prefect whispered with tear filled eyes. "The whole thing was a put up job, I was schooled by Ossie Osborne at a secret location in Smethwick,it's been hard, but I just can't do it anymore".
After a short interval for green tea and gluten-free butterfly cakes the singer returned to mix amicably with the still stunned press pack.
In a quiet chat with our reporter Amy confessed to listening to Petula Clark records at home, and said her chief pleasure was playing with her Pussy, aptly named perhaps, Pussy.
Amy confirmed that she is in talks with Andrew LLoyd Webber regarding the Eurovision song contest 2009.
When asked to comment, her manager, a glassy eyed Edmund Scrote muttered,"Fuck me sideways, that's the new Ferrari down the crapper".
