Obamessiah to usher in a 'Golden Age'

Funny story written by Onionuttapam

Sunday, 9 November 2008

image for Obamessiah to usher in a 'Golden Age'

After emerging victorious from one of the most obamafying elections in the history of United States, president-elect Barack Hussein Obama would magically solve all the problems the world is facing currently and usher our planet into a 'Golden Age' (also described as 'New World Order' by the powers that are) through a process known as 'Obamacanogy' (also referred as 'Barackanogy).

This magical process consists of tackling every crisis facing America and the rest of the world by uttering of three magical words - "Yes, We Can!" Uttering this magical phrase with sufficient amount of energy and emotion can instantly drive away every problem and make manifest everything we need instantly.

But the golden age into which obamessiah will be leading us will not be built just by solving seemingly insurmountable problems and manifesting desirable changes through obamacanogy, but also by bestowing bliss and happiness to millions, a process which has already started with the election of Obama to the highest office of the world.

According to a CNN Poll, millions of Americans have already achieved 'Nirbama', the supreme state of divine bliss and peace, due to breaking of the cycle of reincarnation of Bushes and Clintons.

Even as billions of obamafans across the world are paying obamage to the one of the most charismatic leaders to step inside the White House, obamino effect is gathering omentum at a rapid pace leading to obamafication of the entire world.

Despite barackryphal, barack-and-bull stories being spread about him to discredit him, barackiaavellian strategy applied through the use of obambastic rhetoric, obamaganda and obamacanogy have worked heavily in his favor breaking down all resistances.

Barackatoos and barackingbirds, infected by barackismo have disseminated baracktrinaires with ebullience matched only by baracktorates. Media has too played its part in barackspoitation with baractopuses showing the way.

It is expected that the obamnipresent & obamnipotent president-elect of the United States of America would launch Operation Baracki Freedom, an operation designed to liberate America and the world from the pessimism generated due to partisan politics, financial crisis, stock market meltdown and fears of another great depression. This operation will lead to renewed feelings of obamoptimism among the masses about the state of the world.

According to political analysts, once Obamessiah takes full charge and enters the White House, obamania would reach such dizzying proportions, that people all over the world will forget all their troubles and start believing that the world is in a much better shape than it was ever before. Barackupied, they will have no time to worry about the global economic crisis, recession, unemployment or global warming and spend all their time chanting the obamantra - Yes We Can! Yes We Can!

But, while the bar-echo chambers of the world may be buzzing with obameification, not everyone shares the enthusiasm, hope and blind belief of obamafans. There are many who are already suffering from post-baratic stress disorder, a condition of giddiness brought by excessive exposure to byobama. Cases of baracktose intolerance are also rising all over the world. People immune to obamino effect are not only resenting the monobamaticization of the world, they are also very skeptical of the obamability of the coming new world order.

Notwithstanding the skepticism displayed in some corners of the world, obamadrama keeps rolling on and everyone including even the most cynical of doubters are slowly joining the barackobandwagon and getting intoxicated on baracktail. The great obomedy starring the one and the only Barackstar has overcome and overpowered the resistance of millions of politically-detached populace, many of whom have become obamamatic supporters of the the new president. A feeling of obamaraderie has swept across the world with many getting high on BaroxyContin abuse and many others reaching barack bottom in their love and adoration of the president-elect.

Unless Baractology designs a cure for obameurosis, Dalai Loboma will reign supreme!

Glossary of the terms used above: (courtesy - Encyclopedia Baracktannica)

Obamessiah - (oh-bah-mess-iah) The new leader of USA indicated by the euphoric evangelical opiate induced trance-like gaze that overwhelms the masses.

Obamacanogy - (oh-bah-mah-cain=ogy) The process of chanting the mantra - Yes We Can! through which everything desirable can be achieved.

Nirbama - (ner-BAH-muh) n. A state of bliss and peace gained by breaking the cycle of reincarnation of Bushes and Clintons running for president

Obamage - (oh-bah-mage) Respect or reverence paid to Obama.

Omentum - (oh-men-tum) Momentum gained by Obama.

Obamafication - (oh-bah-mah-fi-ca-shun) The act of being so caught up in Barack Obama, one looses site of the issues.

Barackryphal - (baar-ack-ri-fal) Of doubtful authenticity, in reference to a statement or story about Barack Obama.

Barack-and-bull story - An absurd, improbable Obama story presented as the truth.

Barackiavellian - (bah-rak-ia-vel-lian) - Describing a political strategy based on a recurring emphasis on unity and hope, as first laid out in Machiavelli's The Obama.

Obambastic - (oh-bahm-baas-tic) Boombastic rhetoric, as spoken by Barack Obama

Obamaganda - (oh-bah-mah-gun-dah) - propaganda unleashed by democrats who didn't want another stale, near-mortem suit in the office.

Baracksploitation - (bah-rak-sploi-ta-shun) The practice among editors of putting only Barack Obama on the cover of their magazines.

Barackingbird - (bah-rak-ing-burd) A person who repeats Obama speeches and campaign material verbatim.

Barackatoo - (bah-raka-too) A particularly noisy Obama fan.

Baractopus - (bah-rakt-opus) A journalist capable of emitting vast quantities of ink relating to Barack Obama.

Obamnipresent (oh-BAHM-nuh-PREZ-uhnt) adj. Pertaining to Barack Obama's ubiquity in discussions overheard in restaurants, subways, bookstores, newsrooms, etc.

Operation Baracki Freedom - An operation designed to liberate America and the world from the pessimism generated due to partisan politics, financial crisis, stock markets meltdown and fears of another great depression

Obamoptimism - (oh-bah-maup-ti-mism) Optimism and euphoria generated by the prospect of obamessiah making the world right.

Obamania - The surge of blind hysteria sweeping the world for the president-elect. Think of it like Jello or 7-Up, they sound pleasant and make you feel real nice inside, but in reality have very little substance or value.

Barackupied - (bah-rak-u-paa-eed) - Unable to get Obama out of one's mind. Occupied totally with thoughts about Obama.

Obamantra - "Yes We Can!"

Bar-echo chamber (bah-REK-oh cheymber) n. The comments sections on blogs and newspaper websites where readers reinforce one another's love for Obama

Obameification - (oh-bah-mei-fi-cae-shun) Deification of Barack Obama

Post-Baratic stress disorder (pohst buh-RAT-ik stres sin-drohm) n. A sporadic recurrence of giddiness typically displayed by those who have heard reference of Obama for the millionth time

BYOBama (bee-wahy-oh-BAH-mah) n. Obama paraphernalia.

Baracktose intolerant (buh-RAK-tohs in-TOL-er-uhnt) - adj. An increasingly common medical condition in which the affected person becomes violently sick in the stomach when exposed to adulation and deification of Barack Obama.

Monobamaticization - (mon-uh-boh-MAT-ik-izae-shun) adj. About or pertaining to Barack Obama only.

Omability - (oh-mah-bil-itee) Desiribility of the change to be brought about by Obama (also - skepticism of the ability of Obama to effect the desired change.

Obamadrama - (oh-bah-maa-draa-maa) Any type of general "drama" created by Barak Obama and anything he's done.

Barackobandwagon - (bah-rak-ob-band-wai-gun) - Obama bandwagon

Baracktail - (bah-rak-tael) A mix of cheap liquor and Kool-Aid served during Baracktoberfest.

Obamamatic - (oh-bah-maym-at-ik) Unconscious supporter of Barack Obama.

Obamaraderie - (oh-bah-maar-aed-ee) Goodwill and lighthearted rapport amongst supporters of obama worldwide

BaroxyContin (buh-ROK-si-kan-tin) n. A prescription painkiller sometimes abused by Obama supporters to induce feelings of euphoria while listening to Obama speak.

Barack bottom - The lowest possible limit of Obamaness.

Baracktology - (bah-rak-tol-ogy) The branch of medicine dealing with the diagnosis and treatment of obameurosis

Obameurosis - (oh-bah-meeu-ross-is) Neurosis arising from deification of Obama

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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