Written by walter

Sunday, 9 November 2008


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for Wow!

When our primordial father found out that he was really helpless, defenseless, and mortal, he resorted to denial. To overcome his great fear he unilaterally employed an invincible power to protect him in cases of emergencies or despair, of course, in consideration of some regular payments. Since his employee did not live up to grandpa's expectations, i.e. taking sides, grandpa secretly took a bite out of the forbidden tree and saw how other creatures aptly used camouflage, deceit, circumvention, delusion, mockery, false appearance, etc.

Since his fear did not abate, he chose to remain on high alert for any excuse that could safeguard him against innumerable calamities. Now, out of the blue came some smart fellows who claimed to have connections to the omnipotence, and grandpa generously received food handouts, shelter and free sex providing he demonstrated absolute obedience to viceroy. Another prize he picked up was the reassurances that present amenities can be easily extended to afterlife.

From that point on he succumbed to the will of the proxy and enjoyed the benefits of the camaraderie usually felt between hostages and hostage takers.

So grandpa became a true example of the union of opposites: a hybrid of beast and man. Retrospectively, we can safely infer that some dormant instincts were reawakened in grandpa. The bestial half turned into a food grinder, a sex monger and a money grabber. The other half, calling itself man, remained imbecile ever since, but it was desperately looking for a magic bullet.

Grandpa attributed his constant failures to lack of cognizance. Therefore, schooling seemed to be a remedy. He was partly right, but it did not produce the good result. Any institute he referred to were run by misguided thugs, and the institutes functioned like a House of Card. Even now, they are based on totally erroneous assumptions. For instance, the earth is flat and stars are ornaments pinned to the sky.

In grandpa's territory, in addition to the dominant Houses of Cards, there are numerous Mickey Mouse colleges which issue certificates much faster than photocopiers, of course, not free of charge.

To graduate from a House of Card or a Mickey Mouse institute, all one needs is to memorize some so-called multiple choice questions accompanied by answers. Thus one is awarded doctoral degrees in any conceivable field of study!

The result of this type of education is encouraging: a junior physician, in white jacket and loosely piggybacking a stethoscope, entered his office. He placed the cuplike part of the stethoscope on the right side of the patient's chest and tried hard to listen to the patient's heart. The doctor's perplexed face terrified the patient. The patient softly moved the doctor's hand and the cuplike device to the left side of his chest. Now the beaming doctor exclaimed "Wow! I thought your heart had stopped beating."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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