Saddam Hussein's Super Yacht For Sale: $35,000,000
NICE, France - Saddam Hussein's 269-foot luxury yacht, 'The Two-Humped Camel' is being put up for sale. The super yacht is valued at $35 million. The vessel is equipped with several swimming pools, various fancy salons, exquisite restaurants, plus...
Read full storyJJ's Two Minute Management Course
Lesson One: An eagle was sitting on a tree - resting…doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing"? The eagle answered, "Sure, why not"? So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very...
Read full storyUN Convoy Delivers Aid to DR Congo
A UN convoy has finally arrived in rebel-held territory in the Devastated Republic of Congo, bringing supplies to some of the 250,000 refugees displaced by the civil war. It is the first aid in weeks for those stranded in areas controlled by the...
Read full storyBin Laden to Testify Before Grand Jury
From: barack.obama@mail.senate.gov To: osamabinladen@al-queda.net Subject: Yes, we can! Dear sir, This report is to inform you that the first stage of the operation - the infiltration under a "presidential nominee" cover - has been fulfilled successfully. Praise be to Allah: in a couple of weeks we're going to get the White House. I look forward to getting your further guide...
Read full storyMcPalin Last Ditch Effort: Obama the Anti-Christ
Washington, D.C. - In a move many consider an act of desperation, presidential hopeful John McCain and his pick for VP Sarah Palin, used their final campaign stops to accuse Obama of being the Anti-Christ foretold in the bible. "Why hasn't anybody...
Read full storyNew Harry Potter film is a 'load of shit' says school-girl reviewer
Schoolgirl reviewer Mary has condemned the latest and final Harry Potter movie as being a "load of shit". The teenager was one of a number of youngsters who managed to sneak into an early screening of the movie while on a school tour of the Warne...
Read full storyOsama Bin Ladin Gator Aid Convicted at Gitmo
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba (IPP) - Osama Bin Ladin's bottle of gator aid was convicted on all counts today of aiding and abetting terrorism. It is reported that the bottle is no ordinary run-of-the-mill bottle and it is perfectly or almost perfectly cap...
Read full storyRussell Brand starts band called Heroin
Bad boy Russell Brand ,who is on the heels of quitting his BBC radio show after an outcry of complaints about his indecent behaviour, has a new project. Brand is now the lead singer of a band called Heroin. The catch? Everyone in the band is a heroi...
Read full storyBrit Bands Fail Dismally Yet Again To Crack US Market
The Brits have thrown every act imaginable at the US music market, from Robbie Williams, to Take That, to the Rolling Stones, without success. Why? Because basically the only Brit band worth a shit was the Beatles. The Stones were OK but not really up to much, the Sex Pistols were just too much off it and U2 were were just too Irish. No matter how much those wingeing Brits keep on asserti...
Read full storyA Final Word From Joe Steppinshit
An Editorial: Hello from the Heartland of America, wherever that may be. It's claimed by about twenty different states. Also let me get this off my chest. There, I had the wife sitting on my chest so I couldn't write this because she's a Ralph Nader supporter and makes up two percent of his following. Before you pull that lever Tuesday or push that button or hang that chad or even, ask for m...
Read full storyIs baby V pregnant?
Is Vanessa Hudgens pregnant? Is that a baby bump? Is Zac Efron the father? Too many question and the answer to two of them is yes… Yes we asked Vanessa if she was pregnant and she hesitated a bit but then told the truth that she is pregnant and it's her 3rd month, but how come we didn't see it when she was in Mexico or Paris? That's because she wasn't wearing anything revealing until acciden...
Read full storyAshley Cole Ruled Out With Calf Injury
Chelsea defender Ashley Cole has been ruled out for up to 10 days after sustaining a calf injury after his side's 5-0 win over Sunderland. Cole had gone to a local farm to 'relax' after the game, and had decided to 'look at' the young calves in a...
Read full storyNASA's probe finds vast crude deposits in Martian crevices
Cydonia - (Alien Anal Mess): NASA's Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter has sent back proof of vast subcutaneous deposits of benchmark crude in Martian crevices. The news follows reports that the Mars Phoenix Lander has found a huge underground silo of UF...
Read full storyHampshire Worker In Shock At Superior's Antics
An unidentified worker from a leading Hampshire optical device manufacturer today expressed his dismay at the over the top antics of his team leader. Roy McFarlane, 50, of Fareham said: 'It all started when Rina asked us to go into the changing ar...
Read full storyWalcott floored by Hamilton VoodooFone
Arsenal's Theo Walcott was a victim of a vicious voodoo attack aimed at F1's Lewes Hamilton. After being carried off with what appeared to be a dislocated shoulder, the people responsible have admitted that they made a fatal error by using the wr...
Read full storyRussell Brand's Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie eclipsed by luscious Sydney Jo Jackson
Los Angeles - (Ms Voluptua Mess): No more Satanic Sluts shenanigans on seamy Hampstead Heath shag-sites for the UK's most reviled extertainer this weekend! Russell Brand looked relaxed and high as a kite as he wowed a packed Largo Coronet Theatre...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Sign Troy Aikman
IRVING, Texas - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has just signed ex-Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman to a one year contract. Jones sat and disappointedly watched his 'America's Team' lose to the New York Giants 35-14 up in the Meadowlands. The...
Read full storyBowel Movement Breakthrough
Bombay, India Utilizing that old adage, "One man's trash another man's treasure," Pootender Singh, CEO of Tender Poos LTD is literally making his fortune from other man's trash, specifically his sh*t. "I vuz havin this gallbladder operation ya kno...
Read full storyNovember 4th: Russia's National Unity Mitford Day
Moscow - (Bolshevik Ass Mess): Russian spookmasters past and present are cock-a-hoop that their greatest ever national feastday, Russian National Unity Mitford Day, sees a fully paid-up member of the KGB and grandson of fascist British Hitler fellate...
Read full storySarah Palin Is Dame Edna Everage's Secret Love Child Claims Madge
In an historic announcement from the walkway Of Sydney harbour bridge, Madge, Dame Edna Everage's long time assistant expressed great surprise that nobody actually noticed the similarities between the moose shooting Republican redneck and the Aussie...
Read full storyBlack(ish) man in the White House? Over one's dead body!
London - (Royal Ass Mess): The Third Reich's Puppet Monarch is foaming at the mouth today ahead of poll findings predicting a Barack Obama landslide on November 4th. Old Fatty Mountbatten already blames "anti-slavery liberals", the breakup of the...
Read full storyFarting Back In Fashion Says Gordon Ramsay
Celebrity sweary chef Gordon Ramsay today backed up public opinion by stating unequivocally that farting was back in fashion. 'It's a pity really that farting has been so demonised in this politically correct age,' Ramsay said to an associate in H...
Read full storyJohn Major To Make A Major Comeback
London, Shortly after dinner time - Ex PM John Major, son of a circus clown father and a contortionist circus performer mother, originally from Electric Avenue, Brixton, South London today announced that he was making a comeback in order to lead the...
Read full storyPlague, Pox, and Pestilence Sweep through Europe
Formerly London, England - The recent death of a London-based Spanish drum-maker from inhalation anthrax places the death toll of the current pandemic at 75 million and one, now surpassing the Black Death of the 1340s. Last week's death of a Scottish...
Read full storyMars Rovers In Head-On Collision
Houston TX-- NASA reported incredible bad luck with its twin rovers on Mars today. The Spirit probe had a devastating head-on collision with the Opportunity probe. Both rovers were completely destroyed in the mishap. The Martian rovers have been...
Read full storyBritain's Most Dangerous Street
Icelandic Assurance PLC today announced the final results from their exhaustive survey to find Britain's most dangerous street. With a set of alarming statistics, the hands down winner was Coronation Street, Weatherfield, Manchester. A spokesma...
Read full storyRoss Kemp Goes Missing In Salford
Ex East-Enders actor Ross 'The Real Deal' Kemp was reported missing today whilst filming Ross Kemp On Gangs in Salford. A distraught production assistant who declined to be named for fear of reprisals said: 'We tried to warn Ross that this was...
Read full storyHaunted House Prices Holding Steady In Volatile Market
While house prices in general continue to plummet some good news emerged today from the Haunted Houses For Sale Company Ltd PLC Inc. It seems that haunted houses are holding their own in a recession stricken economy, and that investors are flockin...
Read full storyObama Bin Biden Ready For New Reign Of Terror
After shaving his beard, undergoing liposuction, plastic surgery and changing his first name from Osama to Obama and teaming up with some white man with a name similar to his last, Barrack Osama Bin Laden is ready to finally bring the US to its knees...
Read full storyPaula Radcliffe In Trouble With Queen Over Union Jack Nose-Wiping Incident
British marathon runner, Paula Radcliffe, is in deepest shit this morning, after it was revealed Her Majesty the Queen had ordered the runner to Buckingham Palace for 'an audience' following Radcliffe's New York Marathon win yesterday. The row bro...
Read full storyIceland to repay debts by taking British prisoners
After length negotiations between the British and Icelandic governments a deal has been thrashed out to repay the £10 billion owed to British companies and charities that had been tied up in the Icelandic banks that went belly up. The British pena...
Read full storyEqual opportunities
Equal opportunities for everybody has long been the mantra of modern society, and the English FA, being fifty years behind the times, has finally caught up to the rest of the country with a landmark decision. Although it went without fanfare, at t...
Read full storyMcCain & Palin to Appear on 'Dancing With The Losers'
HOLLYWOOD, California - The host of ABC's 'Dancing With The Stars' Tom Bergeron has said that Senator John McCain and Governor Sarah Palin have both agreed to appear on a special edition of 'Dancing With The Stars.' The show will be entitled, 'Da...
Read full storyPalin Tries to Steal Frenchie Sarkosy Away from Carla Bruni
Sarah Palin got a surprise call from French president Nicholas Sarkosy. She was so shocked and awed that she told him that she loves him. She went on to invite him on a hunting trip and suggestively offered that they could get really busy while getti...
Read full storyHow Dare Anyone Question GW Bush's Right to Worst President Ever!
Historians and political scientists have been declaring GW Bush the worst President Ever almost unanimously, at least until recently... A revisionist cell has started to weaken in its resolve to cement W as the Worst ever. A small group pf dissenters are insisting that James Buchanan was worse than Bush. Sure creating the conditions for a civil war may be bad( more on this later) but rememb...
Read full storyCharlie Brown, Peanuts and MetLife Change With The Times
Laurie Metcalf of Roseanne fame is now the Chief media consultant for MetLife, the company that produces the Peanuts cartoon line. Ms. Metcalf has revealed that the Peanuts gang will altering the depth of issues that the Peanuts Gang deals with on th...
Read full storyFucking Supreme Court to Fuckenly Examine What the Fuck is Up with the Use of the Word FUCK!
Lexicographers have been tracking the term for centuries. Who could question their curiosity? Imagine a tool that could perform eight tasks! And so grammerians can't keep their fucking research off of the word FUCK! It's a verb meaning at least to pierce and usually in a sexual way, though there are exceptions as in: "Bush fucked America royally!" It can be a noun as in : "What the fuck did...
Read full storyATK Thiokol Blow Arms Off "All Our Sons" for a Pretty Profit!
Arthur Miller dramatised the tragedy of an arms dealer who sold defective parts to his own country's military only to have his own son killed in the aftermath. In life as in literature, arms dealer ATK Thiokol has been caught selling defective fl...
Read full storyNorth Texas Green Eagles Are Flying High as Kites
North Texas University football coach Todd "Get out of" Dodge chose to have his green eagles tested for recreational drugs. Like the avarian kites of old these eagles are apparently soaring to new and higher heights on everything from pot through...
Read full storyBig Blue East Coast Demo-LIberal Giants Demolish the Texas Red Bush Failures
In an auspicious augury of the imminently upcoming Presidential election, the Big Blue Giants crushed the once powerful but now totally has been Red Texas Republicants. The Blues outran, out passed and out fundraised the Repubs. Red Republicant...
Read full storyMcCain, President of FUXNews While Obama Will Win MSNBCILE Race!
Quasi News Stations FUXNEWS and MSNBCILE will have different winners in the Presidential election. FUX will make John Mccain and Sarah Palin President and VPILF of the down to earth illiterate states of america. MNBECILE has already appointed Bar...
Read full storyUK Mistakenly Enforces "Anti-Terrible Climate" Law against Iceland!
The green countrysides of Iceland have been thrown into panic by the worldwide economic crisis. Matters recently have been made worse by the United Kingdom's freeze on British assets in Icelandic banks. The economic intervention has been justifie...
Read full storyWestern Pakistan Rounds Up Posses - Thank You, John Ford!
The American West seemed to be won by vigilantes assembled into posses to take the law in their own hands and bring the desperadoes to justice. US classic film director John Ford documented the vigilante justice that protected defenseless citizens fr...
Read full storyScottish Talk-Radio Hosts Rescind Claim Sir John Anus Macdonald did not Invent Pogo Stick; Ratings Tank
Toronto, Ontario - 1010 CFRB radio personalities Gordon Cameron and Gordon Macalister publicly apologized for implying that former Canadian Prime Minister John A. Macdonald did not invent the pogo stick. "It's just like John A. Macdonald with his...
Read full storyPalin's Fake Call: "But He Sounded French"
EMBARRASS, Wisconsin - Governor Sarah Palin was fooled by a radio disc jockey pretending to be French President Nicolas Sarkozy. The Alaskan governor talked for a full six minutes with this impostor about the election, the perils of hunting with V...
Read full storyJust About Everybody Shagged Jonathon Ross's Grandma Says Jimmy Bacon
Speaking from his luxurious hovel in Stoops Estate, Burnley, internet fiend and fraudster Jimmy Bacon today claimed that everybody who was anybody had shagged Jonathon Ross's grandma. 'It's just a given,' Bacon declared. 'She's so loose she walks...
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