Disabled Models Compete in "Britains Next Top Cripple."
"Britains Next Top Cripple" has emerged as a surprise ratings hit for the BBC after last nights revealing episode where eight beautiful, feisty, women hopped, tottered and wheeled their way down the catwalk competing for the coveted title a...
Read full storyAndy Murray Crowd Expected At Nadal Match
The Andy Murray Crowd, that rowdy collection of cheering, sneering, leering and jeering middle-class reprobates, have bought-up all 15,000 tickets for the Scot's Quarter Final showdown with Rafael Nadal
Read full storyFears grow for hump-back bottle-nosed wales stranded in Diana Memorial Fountain
London - (Kim Philby Mess): Fears are growing about the fate of some hump-back bottle-nosed wales (sic) stranded in the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain after an early summer tidal surge from the nearby Mahiki cocktail lounge deposited the beasts in...
Read full storyNadal ready to thrash feckless wannabe-Henman replica Murray in three straight sets
Wimbledon - (Ass Mess): Expect a Six-Love, Six-One, Six-Love thrashing of up-and-coming pointless Tim Henman replica Andy Murray by world No 2 seed Rafael Nadal on center court in Wimbledon tomorrow.
Read full storyProm date doesn't put out. Legal action taken.
Savannah, Georgia - What began as a hopeful night for Jim Sloan, ended in total disappointment. Jim had asked Nancy Carlisle to prom in hopes that, given Nancy's reputation, he would "totally get some". But after much anticipation and m...
Read full storyWe Can Make Invisible Things Invisible, Scientist Says
(Durham, NC) - Leading scientists in the field of Non-Newtonian Non-Sense Gobbledygook reported today that Harry Potter's invisibility cloak may be right around the corner, with one researcher at Duke University going so far as to say that
Read full storyNew DNA Research Shows Irish Are Neanderthals
Philadelphia PA-- Stunning new research from a major university here is sending shockwaves throughout the world. DNA sequencing of Neanderthal bone marrow indicates "man's cousin" never went extinct. They are the Irish.
Read full storyDual Use Technology
Washington DC, April 15, 2009: The United States has always cast a wary eye on selling technology to foreign nations, especially where a piece of commercial equipment could be used to develop or be part of a weapons system. This is known as "dua...
Read full storyEnvironmental Suicide
Crazy Woman Creek CO, July 5, 2076: Republicans and Democrats began emerging from their hiding places in Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas and elsewhere.
Read full storyTour De France To Include Disabled Riders For First Time
The Tour de France gets under way on July 5th, with the stunning news that this year, for the first time ever, disabled 'challengers' will ride alongside able-bodied competitors in the race.
Read full storyBlair to deliver Anglican Church back to Vatican bosom for £50 million
London - (Ass Mess): Tony Blair will get £50 million and a Papal knighthood for delivery of schism-hit C of E members back to the bosom of the Vatican according to reliable sources.
Read full storyJay Z Collaborates With Mosely and Gallagher Bites Back
After murdering the Oasis hit 'Wonderwall', Jay Z has since confirmed he is to collaborate with local bitch slapper Max Mosely.
Read full storyMcCann case cops ready to pounce
Praia da Luz - (Arguido Mess): Investigators in the Maddie McCann case have played a blinder.
Read full storyTop seeds in uproar at blatant BBC nepotism of weedy Mark-2 Henman player Murray
Wimbledon - (Balls Up Mess): "Strewth, everybody knows that weedy, gormless, desperate, red-haired little git is Gorgon Brown's bastard, that's why!"...
Read full storyEarth's snores, flatulence may be driving away aliens
Earth emits an ear-piercing and annoying snore that could heard by any aliens who might be listening, astronomers have discovered.
Read full storyAustrian incest nutter Fritzl demands Lucrezia Borgia-style trial by ecclesiastical court
Amstetten, Austria - (Lurid Ass Mess): Lawyers acting for Austrian incest addict Joseph Fritzl have played the Lucrezia Borgia card after receiving an anonymous $500,000 bung from followers of the Grail Family Movement cult.
Read full storyArtist of new Tate Gallery "Empty Room" exhibit disappears
A fantastic, wonderful and brilliant exhibit, or installation, as the artistically-challenged prefer to call it, has opened in the Tate Gallery, despite there being no sign of the artist.
Read full storyBetting Zimbabwe's National Election
(Zimbabwe News Bureau) The days of waiting is nearing to an end, as we approach the biggest day of Zimbabwe's National Election Day. Zimbabwean aren't the only people getting ready for the coming election, eagerly excited at the other end of...
Read full storyCounterfeiters to sue e-bay for selling branded goods
Following hot on the heels of the £30 million ebay fine as a result of action taken by Louis Vuitton and Christian Dior to protect their luxury goods made in Thailand sweat-shops for no more than $20, counterfeiters have hit back.
Read full storyUS Scrambles for Zimbabwe oil
US Navy SEALS were poised for action today as rumours of oil reserves in Zimbabwe came to light.
Read full storyPortugese Police Drop McCann Case-Insist Madeleine Was Ficticious
Portuguese police have today announced their intention to drop the Madeleine McCann case before July 14, which is when the official secrecy period covering the investigation ends.
Read full storyAndy Murray Crowd Under Investigation
The International Tennis Federation and Wimbledon organisers are looking into accusations of cheating in the Andy Murray v. Richard Gasquet match on Centre Court this afternoon.
Read full storyAshley and Cheryl: A modern day Romance
The on off saga of Ashley and Cheryl Cole took a dramatic twist yesterday when the couple appeared to split up and get back together a staggering three times in one day.
Read full storyPrice of corn, elephant eyes very high
You've heard the saying 'where corn is as high as an elephant's eye.' It used to refer only to the height of corn particularly in Iowa. But the saying is also holding true for the price of corn and the price of elephant eyes.
Read full storyNew White House poll Gives Bush 95% Approval Rating
Washington, D.C. - Surprising new poll numbers show George Bush has a 95% approval rating, up some seventy points from previous polls. These numbers fly in the face of numerous nationally recognized polls that have placed Mr. Bush at historically low...
Read full storyBecoming a woman
Lately I'll bet you noticed your body has been changing. You've started to grow breats and notice boys. Aside from the obvious physical changes you have been growing through, there is more than becoming a woman than growing extra body parts and smells. You will begin to notice a few things that are going to disappear.
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