Fruitcake Sickens Millions
Philadelphia PA-- Holiday fruitcake was recalled in dozens of states after millions of people were sickened. The ingredients of the fruitcake were found to be both highly toxic and "possibly extraterrestrial" according to the Center for Diseased Cak...
Read full storyStrictly Come Dancing Tom Chambers Admits He Hates Dancing
Tom Chambers, this year's runaway winner of the BBC show Strictly Come Dancing, has caused controversy on national TV by admitting that, in reality, he hates dancing. Chambers and his partner, Camilla Dallerup, won the Grand Final in direct compet...
Read full storyClinton's "Do-Nothing" Policies Blamed for Current Economic Crisis
December 20, 2008 - The Republican National Committee issued a report this Wednesday blaming Bill Clinton for the current recession. According to a compilation of leading market indicators, they have confirmed the economic downturn in progress began...
Read full storyAmericans Hoping Bush Leaving Presidency Declared A Public Holiday
After spending another anniversary date of Bush being inaugurated as president of the United States for the 8th year, many across the United States have begun to secretly hope that the date will soon become a federally mandated Holiday. "Many have...
Read full story'I Nearly Scratched My Leg, But Then I Decided Against It.'- Jade Goody
Former Big Brother star Jade Goody thought about scratching her leg yesterday, before deciding against it. She broke the news at a hastily convened press conference in the early hours of this morning. 'I was about to scratch it, but then the itc...
Read full storyFIFTH Exerpt From 'Found' Dickens Christmas Carol
Reader: You may want to start at the beginning or at least get some background The Second of the Three Spirits Awaking in the with the tensing of his gut, and sitting up in bed to get alert to any sound or sight out of sort, Cratchit had no need to seek the time, he knew.. He felt that he awoken by his very consciousness , for the especial purpose of holding a conference with the second mes...
Read full storyNew "Strictly Judge Factor Talent" reality TV show for the new year
A new reality show "Strictly Judge Factor Talent" will be shown simultaneously on BBC and ITV in the new year. Featuring all the judges from the various talent and reality shows - X-Factor, Strictly Come Dancing, Britain's Got Talent, Joseph, Soun...
Read full storyA Man Offers His Daughter As A Reward To Bush's 'Shoe Tosser'
NABLUS, West Bank - The head of a Palestinian West Bank family has offered the Iraqi journalist who threw the two shoes at President Bush a reward. Ahmad Salim Judeh, 75, has offered Muntazer al-Zaidi a fantastic gift which consists of his younge...
Read full storyThe Kate Walsh, Alex Young "Break-Up"
Kate Walsh and her husband for a whole year plus, Alex Young were all smiles before cameras as they had a night of dinner and dancing at Tao, Las Vegas, November 8th. When asked how the old married couple were doing, both yelled, "Fantastic!" One...
Read full storyHeather Mills to be in UK Celebrity Big Brother January 2009
Heather Mills has jumped at the chance to be in Celebrity Big Brother after her plea for a private loo was accepted. Mills agreed to star in the reality TV show after reaching an agreement with bosses about having her own bathroom. The Sun repo...
Read full storyKoo Stark $5 million life story admits she and Prince Charles are Kate Middleton's real parents
Sandringham, Norfolk - (House of Windsor Bollox Mess): A gut-wrenching dread is enveloping the Sandringham estate this weekend ahead of the Yuletide gathering of Puppet Monarchy impostors eagerly awaiting to get their hoary snouts into the annual squ...
Read full storyBrenda Song & Rob Pattinson To star in Indie film, ''Burning Star''
Brenda Song and Rob Pattinson are set to star together in a new porn independent film called, "Burning Star". The new couple would like to appear in serious films for 20 year olds. Pattinson has one other movie to shoot and Song has one more seas...
Read full story"Barack Obama is only doing so well in the polls because he's being graded on a curve", claims L.A. Middle School Teacher
Los Angeles, California - Barack Obama's performance in the polls with the American people has bee phenomenal. Never before in the history of presidential-elect polling has a future commander and chief done so well before actually taking the oath of...
Read full storyBill Cheats #12 & 35
A national magazine has caught the ex-Prez, Bill Clinton with mistresses #12 and 35, like the Rainy Day Women song by Bob Dylan. #12 is one that's been around awhile according to the National Gossiper. She's 46-year-old Julie McKeen and has finall...
Read full storyUncle Aspartame: Sammy
Write Uncle Aspartame if aspartame is giving you any problems in YOUR life. We cannot reply to all letters, but if you are special, we just might reply AND publish your letter here! Dear Uncle Aspartame, I can't stop singing this song to the tune of "The Candy Man": Who can make the young die? And cover it with lies? The aspartame man, O the aspartame man, O the aspartame man, O t...
Read full storyRockall Faces Worst Drought Since Dawn of Time
Hosepipe bans might be introduced across Rockall to stave off the threat of an extinction level event drought of Biblical proportions, the island's Environment Agency has warned. Local car boot entrepreneur and official Rockall shaman, Pigswill Pe...
Read full storyWestchester Man One With Nature
Westchester resident Elmer Joe "Wildman" Snotgrass, 29, said Monday that the harsh circumstances of the natural world are what inspire him to commit spontaneous acts of a brutal nature with twisted thoughts. "Ah Mother Nature, red as blood in her...
Read full storyRhubarbie Declares "Zimbabwe is Mine!"
Deranged African dictator Robert Rhubarbie celebrated his 138th birthday anniversary this week at Harare's prestigious McDinga's chew and spew burger outlet, declaring to press reporters that "Zimbabwe is mine, Lord Carrington and David Owen done gav...
Read full storyStrictly Come Dancing Results
Strictly Come Dancing, the BBC dancing reality show plagued by controversy and cheating allegations during the past few weeks, has attempted to come clean with the viewing public, and has announced the results of tonight's showdown before the Live Gr...
Read full storyCliff Richard's Christmas List 2008
A Devil woman, with Evil on her mind A Honky Tonk Angel A Forwarding Address for Carrie, she may not live here anymore, but her letters are still being delivered A Miss you Night Some Small Speakers Some Tall Speakers Proof that Love is actually the strongest emotion Forty Days A Living Doll Some Lucky Lips An Audience with Cilla Black on DVD An Audience with The Pope An Audience with...
Read full storyCredit Crunch has devastating effect on Christmas Song
A famed Christmas song has become the latest high profile victim of the Credit Crunch, says a well known Panto dame. Widow Twanky, a famed dame of some years standing said: 'It is all very well people being concerned about people working at M.F.I or...
Read full storyQueen's speech shown early by ITV
ITV last night stole a march on their rivals by showing the Queen's Christmas speech early. The speech, which was recorded in a tent in Hyde Park to save on Royal fuel bills, is thought to have attracted at least four extra viewers, but will be r...
Read full storyNew York to Tax all Food Devoid Aspartame
NEW YORK - Reliable, centrally located sources report that next year, the State will pass a 200% tax on all food and water that is not "sweetened" with aspartame. There are several reasons, including financial, for this move. Our source told us t...
Read full storyBristol Palin future ML is a convict now
Alaska State Troopers have arrested the mother of Bristol Palin's boyfriend on drug charges. Sherry 'Ludicrous' Johnston was arrested Thursday after troopers served a search warrant on a Wasilla home. When asked if it was the first time she had b...
Read full storyObama Run Down in the Middle of the Road
Badly injured but still alive, President-elect Barack Obama was run over while he inexplicably was camped out in the middle of the road. Traffic experts who strained to not fall victim to blaming the victim couldn't help but mention that most drivers...
Read full storyGangs of New York II: The Kennedys vs the Cuomos
Sequels rarely pack the punch that an original first run film can deliver. But in the case of Gangs 2, the eye-talian - irish conflict has a verisimilitude that is chilling. An eye-talian don who retired long before his time has a son who has bee...
Read full storyBurger King of Cologne
With the economy in no short supply of market surprises, the fragrance industry delivered a bit of an unexpected whiff this week. Burger king Burger King released its first male perfume Flame Broiled Whopper. The cologne has been describes as smo...
Read full storyBush Promises Homeland for the Shoes
Tel Aviv - President Bush plans to cement his legacy a president by making a commitment, on behalf of the United States, to establish a homeland for the Shoes. Sparked by an apparently senseless act of violence at a recent press conference "Dubya"...
Read full storyHull City In Panic As Mark Lawrenson Tips Them To Win
Premier League newboys, Hull City, are in crisis this morning after it emerged that football pundit, Mark Lawrenson, had tipped them to win today in his weekly predictions. Lawrenson, once of Liverpool, now of ill-fitting, unfashionable knitwear a...
Read full story