Written by Aspartame Boy

Saturday, 20 December 2008

image for New York to Tax all Food Devoid Aspartame
Officials Could not be Reached for Confirmation

NEW YORK - Reliable, centrally located sources report that next year, the State will pass a 200% tax on all food and water that is not "sweetened" with aspartame.

There are several reasons, including financial, for this move. Our source told us that the main reason was that New York is too crowded, and that this was a good way to thin out the population.

As well, given the large number of jobless expected next year, this is a good way to prevent their brains ability to realize how bad conditions really are for them. It is expected that the large doses of aspartame will place the population into a mass hypnotic mental fog of denial.

The AMA is said to be lobbying for this, as many drugs are sold to combat the side-effects of aspartame, such as headache (most common 'starter' symptom).

The wealthy are stocking up on real soda from Mexico, and bottled water from Germany, soon to be banned.

Patrols will help enforce the new tax law by checkpoints set up to make sure that blood methanol levels are high enough. If they are not, tax receipts will be demanded, and aspartame administered in the field.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
58 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more