Write Uncle Aspartame if aspartame is giving you any problems in YOUR life. We cannot reply to all letters, but if you are special, we just might reply AND publish your letter here!
Dear Uncle Aspartame,
I can't stop singing this song to the tune of "The Candy Man":
Who can make the young die?
And cover it with lies?
The aspartame man, O the aspartame man,
O the aspartame man, O the aspartame man.
O the ASPARTAME man.
Nothing he makes,
And nothing he bakes,
Is satisfying and delicious!
It will even wreck the dish-es!
And it will kill the little fish-es!
(I just keep repeating that last verse over and over).
Blistered, at the South Pole
Dear Blistered,
You again?? Hey, you sound really scary. My advice? Check yourself into rehab. You're SICK.
Also, try taking the aspartame orally, remember??
