Westchester Man One With Nature

Funny story written by Bureau

Saturday, 20 December 2008

image for Westchester Man One With Nature
"I got a brick with YOUR name on it."

Westchester resident Elmer Joe "Wildman" Snotgrass, 29, said Monday that the harsh circumstances of the natural world are what inspire him to commit spontaneous acts of a brutal nature with twisted thoughts.

"Ah Mother Nature, red as blood in her raw state, destroys without prejudice or regard for anyone or anything's feelings, and since I am at one with nature, so too shall I," said Snotgrass as he flattened a hummingbird with a small red brick.

"When I witness the awesome force of a tornado, or the reality of a wandering hurricane off the coast of a fearful country, or even a snotty-faced kid pulling the wings off a fly and making "Horseys" to play with, I know that I am in harmony with nature."

Snotgrass said he has found peace through his running down of small rabbits or squirrels and chopping their heads off for supper, and the vicious braining of random passersby by throwing bricks at their cars.

"You have to be careful with those folks in the cars as they'll try to feed me, dispite all the signs along the road telling them not to."

Having warned us off, we dodged several bricks and headed back to our reporting offices while Elmer Joe got up and got busy whizzing on trees, marking his territory.

(Westchester Herald)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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