Lord Coe makes London Olympics official
At the closing ceremony of the 2008 Olympics, which were not only held in China, but were actually held this year AND at the end of the Olympics, Lord Coe, the former not-Lord Coe, flew the flag for Britain and London at the Olympic Flame ceremony.
Read full storyLondon 2012 Will Be Quintessentially English, Says Mayor Boris Johnson
The 2012 London Olympics will be typically English, and every bit as good as the Beijing Games. So says London Mayor Boris Johnson, who also promised that the Games would not run over the £100billion budget. Mayor Johnson said that London 2012 was...
Read full storyTo Succeed Today In American TV News: Be Tall, Built, Gorgeous, And Have Long Blond Hair!
Sex is rampant everywhere in the U.S. Now, the latest phenom. The new channels across America are selling flesh and looks, as much as reporting the news. What's new? Well, how about an avalanche trend of female reporters and achors who are tall,...
Read full storyJoe Biden, Opus Dei Harlot
Washington AC/DC: (Twin Towers Mess): Of all the sanctimonious, colluding, whitewashing, thirty pieces of silver grabbing, butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-arse, cover-up bandits ever to slime their way into the Senate as bona fide Democtrats - ok, ok, ex...
Read full storyDementia? Mum was always bonkers Cherie says of Thatcher
London - (Decrepit Frontal Lobe Mess): Cherie Blair has hit out at press reports about her mother's recent mental decline and blamed CIA 1950's MK-ULTRA mind control programs for the old soak going gaga. She said the daftest thing Margaret Thatche...
Read full storyObama: Wealth Defined by Friends, Not Money
(Dover, DE) In sharp contrast to opponent John McCain's definition of wealth in terms of vast monetary sums, Barack Obama gauges wealth by the friends he has, according to an interview this weekend. "Wealth is not defined by how much money you ha...
Read full storyHillary Broke! Foreclosure and Bankruptcy Looms! No Help From Bill!
NY/NY AP - Citing major financial shortfalls from her failed Presidential run,a spokesman for Senator Hillary Clinton said today she may wind up broke and penniless. "Her husband wants no part of this mess," a source close to the situation said,"...
Read full storyAfter Success of Beach Volleyball, WNBA Adopts White Bikinis
Due to the success of the U.S. Beach Volleyball team (gold medal in the Olympics and over 100 straight victories), the WNBA (Women's National Basketball Association) has decided to adopt the uniform of Misty May-Traenor and Kerri Walsh. From now on,...
Read full storyHillary Bitterly Concedes Defeat In Denver
Denver CO--Hillary Clinton finally conceded her disastrous run for the White House today. She gave a venomous speech at Convention Hall--laced with hatred, obscenities and tears. She blamed everyone but herself. She began her speech by pointing bo...
Read full storyMichael Phelps Refuses to Endorse Viagra
Michael Phelps, who recently won 8 Olympic Gold Medals at the Chinese games, has been signed to endorse over 52 products in television commercials and print advertising. He will be featured on boxes of Wheaties, in ads for soft drinks, in spots for...
Read full story2016 Olympics Favorite To Be In Japan Not USA
The Olympic Committee said today that it thinks that Japan will win the competition to have the 2016 Olympic Games in its country. Other places that want it are Chicago in USA, Madrid in Spain and Rio de Janiero in Brasil. They all want it but onl...
Read full storyThatcher Dementia Fight Revealed
The daughter of former UK Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher has spoken for the first time about her mother's struggle with galloping dementia. In her new book, serialised in the Mail on Sunday, Carol Thatcher says she first noticed her mother's me...
Read full storySeb Coe Announces Mr Blobby as 2012 Opening Act
As the Olympics is passed on to London for 2012 we know we don't have as much money to spend as China as the opening act is announced. For just the fee of 10 custard pies Mr. Blobby will be acting/singing at the opening ceremony. He will performi...
Read full storyCollege Presidents Propose Lower Drinking Age...Happy Hour now a required course!
Middlebury, Vt. /AP - Former Middlebury College President John McCardell has enlisted 100 college presidents behind his bill to lower the drinking age from 21 to 18 in an effort to make higher education "more fun". The Coalition of college pres...
Read full storyRice For Cambodia Campaign Launched
Today, a new charity was launched to provide rice for Cambodia, and its organisers cleverly called it Rice For Cambodia. The charity aims to encourage Cambodians to grow and harvest rice, and then send it to America and Australia, where Americans...
Read full storySir Steve Redgrave Makes 'Chink' Blunder
Sir Steve Redgrave, Britain's greatest Olympian, was left with egg on his face today, after making an insensitive blunder during a BBC interview with Sue Barker. Barker asked Redgrave for his overall view of the Beijing Games, and he replied that,...
Read full storyAgger's Blue Blue Tattoo
Following Daniel Agger's failure to feature for Liverpool thus far in their Premier league campaign, the club's official spokesman Ben Dodd has issued a statement amid claims the danish defender was photographed playing frisbee on Fistral beach durin...
Read full storyAcorah: "Diana Told Me To Throw a Gateau at Paul Burrell"
There were sensational scenes in Beverly Hills on Friday, when camp television medium Derek Acorah "went beserk" and hurled a celebration coconut cream cake at the head of pastry-faced ex-royal butler Paul Burrell. Acorah, who was with a televis...
Read full storyIran Accepts Gary Glitter To Stay There
England's famous pop star from 1977 Gary Glitter has got notification from the government in Iran that he can go there to live. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told Mr Glitter by email yesterday. Mr Glitter is a very disgusting person who abuses you...
Read full storyBrucie's Bonus Keeps Ball Rolling
A welcome added bonus to the weekly wage. A relaxing break in the Bahamas. A fun day out at Laser Quest. Add to these traditional bonding and morale initiatives Steve Bruce's latest reward scheme of offering outstanding performers free and unlimited...
Read full storyQueen Has A Go At Gurning
Her Majesty the Queen surprised onlookers during a visit to the Cumbrian town of Whitehaven last week, when she met the World Gurning champion Tommy Mattinson, and outgurned him. The Queen was there to "see how the poor people lived", her interest...
Read full storyRussian Tank Breakdowns Funk Up Georgian NASCAR!
Adolph Putin's Russian Blitzkrieg into Georgia was fast as lightning! So much so that Chancellor Adolph decided to enter his tank brigade into the Georgian NASCAR races. Apparently the strain and stress of Russia's first invasion in decades left the...
Read full storyMcCain Accuses Obama of Having Four Fireplaces!
Republican hopeful John McCain who recently forgot how many mansions he sponges off his rich second wife attack Barack Obama for having four fireplaces. McCain denounced Obama as an environmentalist hypocrite for his quartet of fireplaces: "The D...
Read full storyMcCain Diagnosed with Mansions Alzheimer!
Repub candie Johnny McC who divorced his cancer- ridden first wife to marry beer billionaire Cindy Hensley was asked how many houses he owns and the senior Senator from Arizona went blank. Campaign physician, Gerron Tologist told the spoof.aarp that...
Read full storyJamaican Runners Caught Doping with Dope
In a sad day for Jamaica, the country's entire Olympic track team was disqualified and stripped of their medals. Several runners tested positive for a banned substance - ganja. So far no one has disclosed which athletes tested positive. Usain Bolt...
Read full storyIraq Pull-out plan: Bush and Al-Maliki Talk Early Withdrawal
President George Bush and Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki of Iraq spent the day discussing the Iraq situation and the U.S. plan for withdrawal. At the conclusion of their meetings the two released a joint communiqué outlining the early withdrawal plan...
Read full storyOlympic Marathon Won By Unfancied Runner
The final event of the 2008 Olympic Games, the Men's marathon, took place in Bejing early this morning, and produced a shock winner, when a competitor in a Gorilla Suit crossed the line first to claim the gold medal. The runner wore number 1809, t...
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