Web Surfing While Intoxicated Now Illegal
Washington DC-- Congress voted today to make web-surfing while drunk or stoned illegal. Penalties are $5,000 for the first offense with a mandatory jail term of one year in federal prison. Local police departments will enforce the law. Congress...
Read full storyWeston-Super-Mare Fire Investigators File Report
Forensic experts investigating the devastating fire at Weston-Super-Mare which destroyed the Grand Pier, say the blaze was almost certainly caused by the unfortunate coming-together of three crucial elements - fuel, heat and oxygen. The fire ravag...
Read full storyNew TV Channel, Noodle Pot TV will be launched in the Winter
The new channel, which aims to take of from the Toast Channel, which faded due to falling audience figures, is for fans of the local quality snack-food, which is bits of cardboard in the bottom of a plastic cup, which has to have boiling water poured...
Read full storyMusharraf Resigns After Pakistan Olympic Team Fails To Win A Medal
Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf has announced that he will resign as a direct result of the Pakistan Olympic team's failure to win a medal at Beijing Games. Mr Musharraf has been a staunch ally of the US and President George Bush in the War...
Read full storyBalamory to become Eco-Town
Eco-Towns,the Government's unusually unpopular move to build new ecologically sound and affordable housing have seen a new potential site. Balamory, the fictional town,populated by a number of cartoon characters is all set to become an Eco-Town, a...
Read full storyNoel Gallagher Monkeeying Around
Noel 'Oscar the Grouch' Gallagher has been spouting his opinion again, to any newspaper that has any space to fill. The Songwriter, and former friend of Tony Blair has seen the fortunes of his band, Blur, fall in recent times. The outspoken fan of...
Read full storyNew judge for X Factor
Hot on the heels of the news that the pretty girl with the Scouse accent, you know, whats-her-face married to the football chappie, might quit the judges of the new season of X-Factor, thus forfeiting a huge pay cheque and the chance to help fix-it f...
Read full storyChinese name the Olympic sport they don't do well at
As the Olympics forge ahead....well the Chinese did after all forge their opening fireworks....with great medal winnings by the host country China, the authorities there have admitted there is one sport they wont be competing in for London 2012. T...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Cheerleaders New Video To Feature Shaven George Michael
A brand-new promotional video recorded by the sexy Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders to be released in September features the ex-pop star George Michael without his trademark camp beard. Mr Michael, who is the partner of Kenny Goss, the former Dallas ch...
Read full storyComputer Repairs Explained By A Technophobe
Do you need help installing some new things on a computer or repairing your system? Are you an older person that has not grown up around computers or is using their first computer? If so, follow my easy, step by step instructions and you will make your life with computers (and their problems and glithches) a snap. [u][strong]Cookies:[/strong][/u] Your computer may give you an error message...
Read full storyObama Running Mate Announcement Shocks and Surprises as he Names Choice for Vice President
Barack Obama opened up a hornet's nest, dropped a bombshell, and every other cliche' you can think of when he announced his decision for his running mate in this fall's election. Filling out the ticket for the Democratic Party will be none other tha...
Read full storyPoland Vows To Strike At Russia
There was a tense standoff in Eastern Europe yesterday, as Russia and Poland stood face-to-face, well, face-to-back-of-head, over the siting of American Missile Shields within Polska. Russian minister Vladimir Putin warned the Polsh government it...
Read full storyAn Essay For You, My Essay Loving Friend
This is a sample essay from my years as a student, taken from the 'Canterbury Files': In means of explanation, I should explain that the explanation of this essay is essential to explain its meaning. That being said, one must introduct this introduction by introducing the introduction in a manner that supports the previous introductions of the piece entitled, 'An Introduction' Now, the...
Read full storyObama Proposes US Join EU; Sarkozy Agrees and Wets Himself
PARIS/Reuters - Continuing his world wide educational tour, Democratic Presidential hopeful Barack Obama proposed that the US join the EU to further enhance his vision of universal love and stateless people crisscrossing borders at will to spread th...
Read full storyUS Federal Drug Administration to Sponsor 2009 Tour de Farce
Paris/AP - The future of The Tour de Farce, an institution in cycling since 1903, was saved today when the FDA announced it would take over sponsorships of ALL teams participating in the event for 2009. Plagued by the continued use of performanc...
Read full storyWorld Peace scrapped due to lack of interest on Digg
The opportunity to create a lasting world peace, last night slipped through the grasp of society, because it failed to get a front page mention on Digg. Nobel Peace prize winner and orchestrator of the failed plan Dr Christopher Poole said of the...
Read full storyJohn McCain Chooses Running Mate
After much debate and sitting in the dark listening to sad songs, wannabe presidential hopeful John McCain has decided on his running mate for the post of lackey/vice- president. The job of other guy/vice-president is usually a deciding factor...
Read full storyChina's Liu Xiang Thrown Out Of China
Liu Xiang, the defending Olympic 110m Hurdles champion, pulled out of Monday's race with an Achilles injury, and was immediately thrown out of China. Xiang, who was expected to be China's best hope for an athletics gold medal, had drawn support fr...
Read full storyObafemi Martins To Become A Gymnast
Obafemi Martins, the Newcastle United centre forward, revealed this morning that he is to compete as a gymnast in next year's World Championships, after his superb display of tumbling at Old Trafford yesterday. Martins scored the opening goal in t...
Read full storyLampard Reveals Winning Chelsea Offer
The long disputed contract row between Frank and Chelsea seems to over. After being offered a piffling £150,000 per week for four years Frank seriously considered moving away. This feeling of unrest was magnified when his favourite takeaway (The Fat...
Read full storyRonaldo sale could devastate local economy
Surrey County Council have revealled the potentially devastating effects on the local economy that the sale of Ronaldo could have on the local economy should the star winker move on to greater things at Real Madrid. With the local economy already...
Read full storyBradley Wiggins Wins His Second Gold Medal Despite Getting A Puncture
Bradley Wiggins, the world record-breaking British cyclist, claimed his second gold medal of the Olympics in the Team Pursuit race this morning, despite getting a puncture halfway through the race. Wiggins, along with the rest of the British team,...
Read full storyBritish Government Responds to Dr. Edgar Mitchell
The Spoof has obtained a press release from the British government responding to Dr. Edgar Mitchell's claims that we have been visited by aliens from other planets. The document reads, "Mitchell is an astro-nut." We called the government offices t...
Read full storyToday's Tourists Do More Damage to Pompei Than Vesuvius!
Rivers of molten lava once froze the ancient city of Pompei dead in its tracks and since then scholars, tourists and curiosity seekers have come to the site to view the unusual phenomenon. Italian officials in charge of protecting the ancient treasur...
Read full storyFifty Pro-Contraception Roman Catholic Groups Ask Pope Benedict to Approve Birth Control!
Fifty RC pro-contraception advocacy groups are petitioning Pope Benedict to lift the church ban on artificial contraception in order to help the poor plan their families and prevent the spread of the deadly HIV virus. Vatican spokesperson, Card...
Read full storyDear Paraphernalia4Your Genitalia: Have I got a Boyfriend4You!
Querida P4YG, Ho K! Yo got un new amigo. He has a dick, I founded out, butt(Oh so sweet! Don't Ask!) He, mi Yessica, wears the nicest ladies' clotheses. Plus he has a girlfriend and a kid! Did I tells you he give me AIDS!? But I loves him! Don't chew get the wrong idea...I am a true Macho Mexicano...Not Gay at all...Butt...I already told you... Ayudame por favor... HSH Dear HSH,...
Read full storyOlympic Movement Bans Warmongers: Bush, Putin and all Politicians Are Banished from The Olympic Games!
The international Olympic movement has struggled throughout its history with the difficult marriage of sport and politics. Olympic leaders in the Beijing Birds Nest announced that as they look about at the idealistic young athletes and their desi...
Read full storyBehaviorists Negatively Reinforce Failure to Use Behaviorist Conditioning to Stop the Spread of Legs: The Cause of the Spread of AIDS!
Disciples of the Behaviorist school of psychological conditioning and its deceased master BF Skinner urged the AIDS education community to use their methods. Dr Peckham Quayle cited Skinner's successful experiments in teaching pigeons to play ping po...
Read full storyMcCain Apologizes to Dead Iraqis for Blaming Them for US Scientist's Anthrax Attack on Congress!
Mea Culpas and breast beating resounded through the US Capitol like the Pedophile Penitential Rite in the Vatican. Repub Candie Johnny McC in a rare moment of lucidity remembered that he had blamed the 2002 anthrax attack on Congress on the Iraqis. H...
Read full storyCarolina Rice: A Real Georgia Peach!
Carolina Condoleezza Rice went to Georgia and boy was she ever a real peach! The woman has helped to preside, along with worst presider and decider W, over the invasion of two sovereign nations thousands of miles from her country's shores and has reg...
Read full storyOlymSwim Phelps Gets 9th Gold: The Non- Life Award!
No sooner had OlymSwimPhenom Michael Phelps become the first athlete to win eight gold medals in one Olympics, then he outdid himself by picking up #9. Phelps was awarded the Non-Life Gold medal for ...having no life! Interview after interview...
Read full storyShe won gold, what now?
Chinese Olympic diver, Mehav Nobut, today won Olympic Gold in the 3m springboard event. It was her first Olympic appearance and first medal. After thanking the Chinese fans for support, her coaches and team mates, she was asked by the media what...
Read full storyBigfoot Group Claims They Are Wookies and Sues George Lucas for Star Wars Money
HOLLYWOOD (FMLiveWire) - The World Bigfoot Society (WBS) claims that its members are actually Wookies and has launched a lawsuit against George Lucas with multiple claims for damages. The WBS has several hundred actual Bigfoot creatures as members...
Read full storyOlympic Village - Female Georgian athletes attempt to have their male Russian counterparts evicted from their dormitory
Beijing, China - In a written complaint to the International Olympic Committee (IOC), members of the female Georgian Olympic athletic team accused a Russian contingent of all male Olympic athletes of showing up unannounced and uninvited at their dorm...
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