Nuclear Weapons vs. Congress are On-the-Table, says Bush
District of Columbia (Doomsday Clock Weekly) - President Bush has announced that, if necessary, he will not hesitate to use tactical nuclear weapons against the US Congress in the coming months.
Read full storyEllen deGeneres and the Paris Hilton Snatch
An astonishing news release from the Los Angeles District Attorney's office this morning reveals that Ellen deGeneres thought about snatching Paris Hilton's pooch last night.
Read full storyBritney Spears Ditches Music Career, Enters Car Racing
Welcome to the Britney 500. Inspired by her numerous crack-ups and dingers and dent-fests, Indy 500 officials have created the first interactive celebrity racing series, and have dubbed it the Britney 500, in honor of the number of cars that Spears h...
Read full storyEllen DeGeneres has on air nervous "breakdown" dance to "How Much is that Puppy in the Window" song
Hollywood, California - It is practically a signature trademark of the Ellen Show that DeGeneres breaks out dancing at the beginning in joyous celebration and jubilation, much to her audience's delight. Only during yesterday's taping, Ellen...
Read full storyAge Obsessed Media to Blame for Resignation, Says Ex-Lib-Dem Leader Campbell, 66
In a embittered and scathing press conference today, ex-Liberal-Democrat leader Sir Menzies 'Ming' Campbell apportioned the blame for his resignation on the media's apparent obsession with his ma...
Read full storyVagina ban in Pakistan
President Pervez Musharraf and little brother Brian, are in the sh*thouse once again as Bennazir Bhutto is ready to walk back in to both of their kerrazeee lives.
Read full storyRetired Judge Larry Seidlin Outsobs Ellen; Says He Wants Iggy to go Back to the Family
US and A - Former Dannielynn Birkhead paternity case Judge Larry Seidlin, has chimed in on the Ellen DeGeneres dog fiasco.
Read full storyToronto Blue Jays on Ice
Toronto (AP) - Due to Canadians having very little affection for any sport not played on Ice the Toronto Blue Jays will now play on a Baseball "Rink". The 7th inning stretch will include the "chicken dance" on ice and dueling Zamb...
Read full storyShakira stage show banned
Colombian warbler Shakira has had to cancel her performance at the New Orleans Shitterdome.
Read full storyNorth-West Passage has been open before!
As controversy continues about who has a claim on the North-West Passage a discovery has been made that should settle the matter that threatens a new Cold War once and for all.
Read full storyDiana inquest: geomancy expert aligns Pont d'Alma worm-hole with global disaster sites
Royal Courts of Justice - (Hysterical Mess): The Princess Diana inquest today heard from NATO's top geomancy expert witness who said the Pont d'Alma tunnel worm-hole where she died was cosmically aligned with a number of global disaster sites...
Read full storyWayne Barnes Moves To New Zealand
Wayne Barnes has made the unprecedented move of announcing his relocation to Wellington, New Zealand...
Read full storyBooker Fiction Prize Winner "disliked McCanns earlier than most people"
London - (Worthier-Than-Thou Mess): Headline-grabbing brinksmanship has been irrevocably redefined today after Booker Prize winner Anne Enright claimed she was probably the world's first published author to dislike the parents of Madeleine McCann...
Read full storyThe Eye still bringing you spoofs from 1996
The Eye, The Spoof's friend in the world of Online Satire, is still doing it's job of not bringing you any more comedy since 1996.
Read full storyWhite House attacked and invaded by Rats
More than 300 strong army rats attacked white house on Saturday. Chief of rat's army staff General Long-Tail immediately held a press conference after full invasion of white house early in the morning on Sunday.
Read full storyIn 2008 Campaigns, Candidates 'Capitol'ize TV Time
TVGuide (Poop Scoop) - There's something in the air. Or, rather, ON the air. As the 2008 presidential election season continues to heat up, new faces, old faces, two-faces, will invade your living room. Prime time will evolve int...
Read full storyMigrant Workers Are Better Shafted Than UK Workers Says Report
Alan Travesty - Outer London News Correspondent. Migrant workers are better shafted than British workers, and they are putting the 'Great' back into Great Britain to the tune of $600bn a year, according to the first governmen...
Read full storyPrince Harry And Nelson Mandela In War Of Words Over Shirt-Swapping Plan
Prince Harry and South African ex-con Nelson Mandela, are locked in a war of words over a suggestion that the two may swap shirts at the end of the Rugby World Cup final in Paris at the weekend.
Read full storyHillary Clinton Reveals She is a Zionist War-Fairy
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - Hillary Clinton has admitted that she is a Zionist prostitute like Rudy Giuliani and the other Republican presidential candidates excepting Ron Paul, in an exclusive interview with FMLiveWire.
Read full storyPolish Now UK's Second Most-Spoken Language
A Home Office study of all languages spoken in Britain, has determined that Polish is the second most-spoken language in the UK. Punjabi, naturally, was the most widely-spoken, with English in third place. The study, which found that there are...
Read full storyDéjà Vu as "Iggy the Dog" Relives Elián González Case
PASADENA ('American Bitch' Staff Writer) - The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals is poised to hear a custody case that's brewing between Ellen DeGeneres and a dog-adoption agency calling itself 'Mutts & Moms'.
Read full story(MSNBC) Romney Does Not Win NV Straw Poll
(MSNBC) Sparks, Nevada -- Republican Presidential candidate, Mitt Romney, has lost the Conservative Leadership Conference straw poll that was held the other day.** The final results left Romney, who attended as well as spoke at the event, with 1...
Read full storyMuslim girl can wear headscarf during soccer game; FIFA bans Filipino Catholic extremists from wearing life-sized crucifixes on the field
Manila, Philippines - Fifteen-year-old, Iman Khalil, won her appeal to United Soccer Association (USA) allowing her to wear a headdress, which is her custom as a Muslim. Meanwhile an extremist Catholic group from the Philippines that formed a soccer...
Read full storyHigh school wrestler loses everything
Jordan High School heavyweight wrestler, Tom Meltdown, was surprised today during an enter squad scrimmage wrestling match. The 18-year-old wrestler who had been taking laxatives for three days lost total control over his bowels after being picked up...
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