TVGuide (Poop Scoop) - There's something in the air. Or, rather, ON the air. As the 2008 presidential election season continues to heat up, new faces, old faces, two-faces, will invade your living room. Prime time will evolve into slime time. Reality TV will actually begin to look real. The fine line between wholesome and horror will be forever blurred.
The networks and cable channels are frothing at the mouth, ambling and scrambling to get a piece of the political pie that's aimed right at our faces. The clamoring candidates' contamination will insidiously infiltrate the infinite airwaves, mutating and mutilating what we once thought was entertainment. Old shows you thought were gone forever will be ruthlessly resurrected. Historical hit shows will be hit again and again with high office hyperbole. What's more, program developers are deviously devising dubious drivel that is sure to baffle, befuddle and browbeat even the brain dead with bucket upon bucket of BS.
A smattering of the sludge should suffice. Game shows will take on a whole new aura, once the presidential propagandizers storm the stage. "Let's Make A Deal" will pit political action groups against each other in a melee of monetary mayhem the object of which is to see which one can "own" the Oval Office. The sky's the limit and it's anybody's game if "The Price Is Right," because we all know "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire." Who forgot to ask the producers themselves the obvious question: "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth-Grader?"
Soap Operas will undergo excruciating evisceration. "The Young and The Restless" becomes "The Old and The Senseless." And you'll start to believe what "Dynasty" is really all about. "Passions" will explode the myths and mysteries that will play out under the silk sheets in the West Wing. Program developers will no doubt be scratching their heads in an effort to get a clue "As The World Turns" the TV off.
Prime Time journeys into a whole new dimension. "Ugly Hillary," "Everyone Loves Rudy," "Obama's House," and Mc"Cain" will make us all want to turn in early for the night. Cable, not to be outdone, will have its own frivolous fare. "What's Cooking?" will answer those behind closed doors contribution questions. "Extreme Makeover: The White House" will offer up worst case scenarios for at least the next four years. "Home Shopping Club" will feature presidential hopefuls auctioning themselves to the highest bidders.
Sports programs will take us all a hop, skip and a jump beyond mere athletics. ESPN will change its expansion to Excessively Selfish Presidential Nonsense. And who wouldn't want to spend a Sunday afternoon or Monday night watching the antics as the Washington wannabes match wits live and on and off color? There will be a revival of the "Friday Night Fights," as the candidates square off but, instead of lefts, rights and uppercuts, hurl threats, accusations and innuendoes at each other ad nauseum.
As if we needed any more reasons to pull the plug on the boob tube to preserve what scant sanity we have left, politics will rear its ugly heads and bare its ugly tails, turning the other cheek to moon each and every one of us until the sun comes up, the cows come home and hell freezes over. If only they knew that, while catching our attention momentarily might be doable, keeping it long enough to bore us to tears with their meaningless mishmash is "MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE."