Hillary Clinton 'stimulated' by Ron Paul
Aspiring Democratic Presidential hopeful New York Senator Hillary Clinton allegedly became sexually aroused during a speech by Republican/Libertarian candidate Texas Congressman Ron Paul this afternoon, according to several Republican sources at the...
Read full storyEurofighter Order gets Lost in the Post
In a shock announcement this evening, the Ministry of Defence has admitted that an order of twenty Eurofighters ('Typhoons') destined for the Royal Saudi Air Force have been lost in the post.
Read full storyLabour Party Adops Steve McClaren as Mascot
The Labour Party announced this evening that it is to adopt Steve McClaren as its official mascot.
Read full storyBenazir Bhutto - "saviour of Pakistan's poor" - to model for House of Hermes
Stating, "She's the epitome of Glam-bam-thank you maam", the fashion house Hermes has signed a multi-billion dollar contract with wannabe, 3rd time Prime Minister of Pakistan, Benazir Bhutto
Read full storyAngry Musharraf bans Commonwealth - calls it "terrorist" organisation
Denouncing Pakistan's suspension from the Commonwealth, Friday, an angry Musharraf accused the 53-nation group of making an "unjustified and unreasonable" decision.
Read full storyFall/Winter Horoscope
Aries (March 21-April 19): You will be lucky in love this week, as the hooker will mistakenly give you change for a $20 instead of $10. Coworkers will respond to your authority by staining your chair with tiny, barely perceptible amounts of urine each day, so that you're never quite able to locate the source of the smell. Friday is your day to make a big change in your finances. Maybe stop buy...
Read full storyPresident Forgets To Pardon 49,999,998 Other Turkeys
WAHSINGTON, Nov. 20 -- In the 60th annual pre-Thanksgiving ceremony at the White House, President Bush kept with a much-beloved American tradition and forgot to pardon approximately 49,999,998 turkeys prior to the holiday. Two turkeys named May...
Read full storyCanadian Scientists Create Super Beaver
Banff, Alberta - Scientists on vacation at an undisclosed resort in Banff have revealed to the world Prudence, described as a "super beaver" that will change the world.
Read full storyStudy Shows Jean-Claude Van Damme is Best Actor Ever
Brussels, Belgium - Scientists at the Brussels Center for Van Dammian Cultural Advancement (or BCVDCA, which means "Pitiable Oxen" in Belgian) have released the results of a recent battery of scientific tests indicating that Belgian born st...
Read full story'Girls Gone Wild' Producer Tortured
OKLAHOMA - Joe Francis made millions of dollars selling videos of college girls having wild orgies while on spring break. The 'Girls Gone Wild' videos were marketed mainly to men with extremely low self esteem.
Read full storyPope joins Hippy Commune following Jesus-gate scandal
Former head of the Catholic Chruch, Pope Benedict XVI, has made himself at home in a free-living (what else) hippy commune on the outskirts of San Franthisco, following his almighty fall from grace after it was revea...
Read full story'Feelbad Factor' To Permeate Every Last Facet Of English Life
The 'Feelbad Factor' felt all over the country since the failure of the England football team to qualify for the Euro 2008 Finals, is set to permeate through to every last facet of English life, says an expert.
Read full storyChelsea Sign Daniel Radcliffe To Supply That "Missing Magic"
Premiership title challengers Chelsea have agreed terms with the film star Daniel Radcliffe in a bid to put back some of the magic that has been lacking since the departure of their former manager
Read full storyBritney Spears Hires Rudy Giuliani As Driver
Hollywood, D. C. - Tired of consecutive fender benders, Britney Spears has hired Rudy Giuliani as a driver to take her and both sons on errands, appointments, clubs, spas and shopping on Rodeo Drive. Rudy insists he can continue to campaign for the...
Read full storyNew Disney princess Giselle has 'enchanting' royal lineage...as Second Life hooker!
Disney HQ, Hollywood - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Disney's Internal Affairs department is probing reports that Enchanted's heroine Giselle is modelled on the hallucinogenic visions of a Texan sleazebag moonlighting as a Second Life
Read full storySaturn in Virgo to call in all Puppet Monarchy IOUs
Hellfire Club HQ, London - (Diabolical Mess): Today's news that the Northern Crock bank disaster is actually hiding a £100 billion black hole has come as no shock to the Met's Serious & Disorganised Fraud Squad forecasting department.
Read full storyWoman Performs Miracle With Large Haddock
A Bristol woman has astounded local people by allegedly performing a miracle with nothing more than a large haddock.
Read full storySacked HMRC boss to visit Pope over missing child benefit discs poster campaign
Washington, Tyne/Wear - (Stupendous Mess): The sacked HMRC boss in charge of the missing child benefit data discs fiasco is to travel to the Vatican to raise the profile of a poster campaign to find the vanished CDs.
Read full storyBenitez To Be Next England Boss
Rafa Benitez, the Spanish-looking Liverpool boss, is thought to be the primary target for the vacant England football manager's job, and has been contacted by the chief executive of that...
Read full storyMcLaren woes continue
McLaren F1 Boss Don Rennis is reportedly losing his legendary cool, as he searches for some positive media reporting of his team's activities.
Read full storyGovernment Bans Xmas Decorations
The Government of Austerica has issued a blanket ban on Christmas decorations, citing the risk of terrorist attack as justification.
Read full storyMan injured in black Friday "running of the shopper" ritual
Residents of Durham reportedly awakened this morning to the ground shaking. Many thought their town was experiencing an earthquake, though tremors in North Carolina, outside of "Cameron Crazies," or North Carolina basketball teams winning national ch...
Read full storyRick Astley to Reform
Teenage girls rejoice, 80's pop sensation Rick Astley are set to reform. Reformations of pop wonder-groups is all the rage in the UK of late and it would seem that the members of Rick Astley are ready to cash in.
Read full storyBritney Spears' Vagina To Write Its Own Monologue
Britney Spears, the snot-nosed Princess of Pop, has revealed her plans to enter into the world of literary excellence by contributing to the Vagina Monologues - with a piece written by her v...
Read full storyNew Third Runway Will Save a Million Plastic Bags
FEARS THAT a new third runway at Heathrow will lead to environmental damage were quashed today by a new report which shows that it will actually save the world. The report states that the new runway, with its associated new terminal,...
Read full storyGovernment admits to losing 25 million Britons
Prime Minister Brown today explained why personal data on 25 million Britons is missing:...
Read full storyNew England Boss named
English football is reeling today After the sacking of head coach Steve McClaren, following the England team's woeful performance, failing to qualify for Euro 2008.
Read full storyTurnips Ignored Again This Thanksgiving
Millions of Americans ignored Turnips again this year, turning their attention to much more popular and better tasting food at the Thanksgiving table.
Read full storyTesco to introduce male-only checkouts.
Tesco, the British retail giant is to introduce male only checkouts after a man collapsed and was rushed to hospital yesterday with what has been described as a stress-induced heart attack. The man is said to be in a serious but stable condition.
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