FEARS THAT a new third runway at Heathrow will lead to environmental damage were quashed today by a new report which shows that it will actually save the world. The report states that the new runway, with its associated new terminal, will provide space for retailers who have banned plastic bags in their stores. Over the lifetime of the new runway, this will actually save millions of plastic bags from ruining the planet.
Fears that the new runway, which is desperately needed to reduce airport congestion, would create motorway gridlock were quashed by experts who proved that with more families being able to fly out of Heathrow use of 4WDs will drop while they're away.
Fears that an increase in pollution might cause Britain's air quality to fail European standards were quashed by the report that showed that when all else fails, the M4 from Reading to London would be encased in a precast concrete tunnel to trap escaping gases. Scientists pointed out that people travelling inside the tunnel will be breathing high quality air, and that high pollution from Heathrow would blow over to Germany on prevailing winds anyway so who cares.
Fears that airline revenues will fall were quashed by the report which revealed that when planes are no longer circling the airport waiting for the runway to be built, more planes will be able to fly out thus ensuring revenues will remain high for many years until a fourth runway is needed, and so on.
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