Secretary of Defense Said to be Considering "All available options" in Defense of Hoop in White House Basketball League
Washington, DC- Reports from sources close to the White House have begun revealing defense plans drawn up by Secretary of Defense Robert Gates for the upcoming spring basketball league that include "all options available to the Department of Def...
Read full storyCheney Awarded Medal of Honor following Afghan Attack
In a closed door White House ceremony President Bush has bestowed the medal of honor on Vice President Cheney for his heroism during the attack in Afghanistan earlier this week.
Read full storyMoody Blues find the lost chord
Justin Hayward called a press meeting in the early hours of Sunday last week with astounding news; he has FOUND the lost chord.
Read full storyMoney for old rope: Victoria Beckham and the £10 million TV deal
California - (ReUterus): Former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham is to star in a £10 million fly-off-the-wall documentary about the mediocrity of her singing career, her lacklustre foray into the fashion industry, her several attempts at reviving those ta...
Read full storyObese boy to wear big shoes to see feet
Asteroid attractor Connor McGreedy, the Geordie boy who just can't say no to food, is to be allowed to wear clown shoes so that he can see his feet. Connor, who is from Wallsend and, on a particularly obese day, adjoining Byker, hasn't seen h...
Read full storyWithdrawn Deep Purple live album 'was recording by Joyce Hatto'
Birmingham NEC - (Rioters): Deep Purple's album recorded in 1993 at the National Exhibitionism Center in Birmingham, Alabama has been withdrawn by the band's Ian Gillan who branded it as the biggest pile of crap ever to be squeezed out of the...
Read full storyFlorida Baby Youngest Ever Murder Suspect
Key Riest, Fla.: A third-trimester unborn baby boy opened fire with an assault rifle at a pre-natal care clinic on Thursday, killing seven people, including his own doctor, and wounding four others, two of them critically. The child's name is be...
Read full storyExperts Warn of New BSE "Mad Cow Disease" Menace
The National Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia (also known as the Youngman-Oldman Unit for Diseases, Infections and Epidemics) announced yesterday that 417 cases of a new and particularly fast-acting strain of so-called "mad cow&quo...
Read full storyEarthquake Jars San Francisco, Nerves
A medium-intensity earthquake juddered through the San Francisco region this morning at 6:05 am PST, causing minor damage. No injuries were reported.
Read full storyIt's Official: Babies Are Inefficient
Researchers at The British Institute of Competence in Cambridge, today, revealed that Babies are the least effective members of U.K. society.
Read full storyBritney Spears Confession: 'I'm the Father of Anna Nicole Smith's Baby!'
Adding to her recent legacy of acting like a complete idiot, Britney Spears announced today that she is actually the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby daughter Dannielynn.
Read full storyStromboli volcano eruption is God's warning says Robertson
Tyrrhenian Sea, Sicily - (Rotters): This morning's eruption of the Stromboli volcano has been described by Protein-Defying Ageing Pancake salesman Reverend Pat Robertson as a sign of God's displeasure at fraud claims surrounding a mouldy, bac...
Read full storyGreedy Bastard Wins British Food Industry Award
Blond-haired, rosy-cheeked eight year old Connor McGreedie from Scotland, has become the first eight year old boy to win the prestigious food industry Greedy Bastard of the Year award. Esther Rantzen, who presented t...
Read full story9/11 Mystery Pentagon Plane Found
The US, today, breathed a sigh of relief when Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld addressed the nation with the conclusive evidence, collated by the White House Enquiry, on the identity of the aircraft that struck The Pentagon on September 11th...
Read full storyProstitution Legalized: Christian Belt Losened
In a surprising and fantastic swing of events prostitution or the exchange of money for sex was legalized in 46 of the United States, excluding, Maine, Arizona, Wisconson, and Alaska. Alaska ironically led the country in lonely people and suicides d...
Read full storyGlobal Warming - Polar Bears to be relocated
Global Warming will cause the Polar Bear to become extinct within 2 years a spokesman for the World Wildlife Fund stated. 'The icecap is melting at an unprecedented rate, and the Polar Bear's natural habitat will be all gone...
Read full storySudden lesbian koala syndrome surge blamed on Britney
Billabong, Australia - (ReUterus): Captive female koala bears have suddenly taken to spoofing their tourist sightseeing public with raunchy lesbian love-fest displays in an unexplained surge of exhibitionist antics not seen since Britney Spears reviv...
Read full storyTories take 11 pint lead over Labour
London - (Rotters): The Conserative Party has taken an eleven pint lead over Labour in figures released today which suggest that if there was a general election tomorrow it would result in at least 100 more Tory old soaks in the Strangers' Bar of...
Read full storyStern buries Virgie Arthur
Florida - (ReUterus): Lawyers acting for Howard K Stern have won the right to bury Anna Nicole Smith's mother in a Fort Lauderdale courthouse after Judge Sidlin overwhelmingly sidled with the original ruling for the former stripper's burial t...
Read full storyMichael Jackson To Go Back On Tour With Jacksons
Michael 'Wacko' Jackson has announced a new tour of Britain that will feature all the members of his singing family, and a few others that can't sing for toffee. The entourage will be called The Jacksons & Co.
Read full storyCherie Blair appointed celebrity ambassador for penis reform group
London - (Riotous): Cherie Blair has been asked to act as a rambling, possibly roving and definitely Rovian celebrity goodwilly ambassador for the Penis Reform Group, a charity dedicated to the future whitewashing of the Labour Sperm Donors controver...
Read full storyPrince WILL to be sent to Iraq
Buckingham Palace announced today that they will be sending a prince to Iraq.....but it won't be Harry!...
Read full storyJade - "Moon Landing doesn't crater president"
Visiting the Indian Space Research centre today, UK celebrity dimwit Jade Goody was shown around the facility by Flight Director Vijay Pappadom. Commenting on the Indian space program's ambition to put an Indian on the Moon by th...
Read full storyJade Goody orders Tandoori in bid to curry favour with indians
Celebrity Big Brother star and neo-nazi, pig faced agitator, Jade Goody, yesterday visted her local curry house in a bid to quell rumours that she is a racist.
Read full storyQueen Considers Nude Scene in New Scorsese Project
The Queen is said to be "delighted" that Helen Mirren carried off top honours at the 79th Academy awards for her portrayal of Elizabeth II. A palace spokesman said that it was by far the best film and Mirren had the Queen off to a tee prett...
Read full storyScientists Discover a Unique Tribe in the Jungles of Borneo
Scientists looking for undiscovered insects and fauna in the jungles of Borneo found more than they bargained for. They found a community of stunted tribesmen.
Read full storyRats Overrun White House
WASHINGTON (AP) - Rats have been discovered running wild in the White House and within the Administration of President George W. Bush, local and national media have reported.
Read full storyCelebrity Big Brother Jade Goody In Embarrassing India Mix-up
MUMBLE:Jade Goody arrived here in India last night to a tumultuous welcome from a 500,000 crowd at Kapil Dev International airport. One man rushed forward with a spear, but was restrained by security guards who told him that, only if...
Read full storyAl Gore, goes on party rampage with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan
Former Vice President, environmentalist, and most recently, documentary film maker, Al Gore has been totally swept up in the whirlwind of excitement from receiving his first Academy Award the last couple of days.
Read full storyBuster and the Baby angel, Chapter 11
Can you image, sweet reader , what life is like for a dear little hermaphrodite whose very existence depended upon duct taped wings? Well, like most of us it had moments of great glory and lots of hours and days of difficulty. This splendid winged creature walked amid her fellow villagers as a visitor from another dimension.Perhaps that is why years later it seemed to those who knew her that grav...
Read full storyGlobal Warning Gore Overheats!
Global Warming Warning Sentinel Al Gore is reported to have overheated at the Oscars!...
Read full storyMirren Coronation Slated for Thursday Next!
Once loyal subjects throughout the UK were agog at the queenlyness of Helen Mirren at the Oscars<span class=sup>®! "That Bird's got herself some set!" was all that Nigel Titslicker could manage af...
Read full storyShiloh Jolie-Pitt Busy Planning One-Year Birthday Bash
A Spoof reporter fluent in baby talk came across this amazing news about the nine-month-old daughter of Brangelina.
Read full storyTom Cruise Converts Sherry Lansing To Scientology
The Academy Award for outstanding achievement was not the only thing Sherry Lansing received Oscar night in Hollywood. Insiders say Lansing converted to Scientology at Elton John's, After the Awards Party.
Read full storyBarbie manufacturers Mattel to launch bald Britney Spears doll
Mattel president Jill. E. Barad announced today that they would be launching a new talking Britney Spears doll without any hair. The "Bald Britney" as she is to be called will also be programmed to utter random phrases such as "Hair to...
Read full storyCeline Dion, Possibly the Whitest Person on Earth
"In regards to Celine Dion's performance on the Academy Awards last night the only thing I can say is, soulless." This was the comment made by Baptist Minister and choir master, Roy Washington after hearing Celine Dion's rendition o...
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