London - (Rotters): The Conserative Party has taken an eleven pint lead over Labour in figures released today which suggest that if there was a general election tomorrow it would result in at least 100 more Tory old soaks in the Strangers' Bar of the House of Commons than can safely fit in at the moment.
"Despite William Hague's boasts of being a 14 pint man himself we have lagged behind New Labour boozers for years and years", said a Conservative spokesman.
"But now there's been a turnaround, thanks largely to David Cameron's insistance that what MPs did their pre-political days is nobody's sodding business. As a result we have some really stalwart old soaks on the road to the House of Commons as Gallup figures demonstrate."
The poll was taken at a random sampling of over 1,000 boozers who were asked how they might vote in a snap general election.
Of those who could still stand up after a straight eleven pints on the trot, an overwhelming majority said it would be with the Tories if there was another drink in it for them.
"QED.... hiccup" was the last word from Conservative Party HQ today.
