Blond-haired, rosy-cheeked eight year old Connor McGreedie from Scotland, has become the first eight year old boy to win the prestigious food industry Greedy Bastard of the Year award. Esther Rantzen, who presented the award, said:
"If everyone in Britain dropped their cynicism and adopted the attitude of this greedy little bastard, then Britain would be a much happier place full of happy people just like little Connor."
Connor won the award by religiously collecting and sending the wrappers of every Kit-Kat, Snickers, and...well, you name it, he has eaten since he was born. That's a grand total of three thousand million two hundred and eighty five wrappers alone, not including the McDonalds, Burger Kings, and Kentucky Fried Chickens he's enjoyed.
His mother, Mrs. Nicola McKeown, said she was disappointed that the little 'have-it-all' hero was laughed at because of his achievement. Little Connor weighs a healthy 30 stone, and cannot be educated, which causes some small-minded sociologists to be jealous.
Tony Blair, in a statement from Downing Street, said that one greedy little bastard doing his duty for the British food industry was something we should all be proud of.
"Greed is no longer a dirty word. Anyone caught laughing at the greedy little bastard will be dealt with."
If you have a greedy bastard in your family, don't hide him under an elephant. Email The Spoof.