Bush announces complete troop pullout.
President Bush's announcement that he will immediately pull all US soldiers out of Iraq was met with thunderous applause from the entire Congress. That applause, however, was to be short lived.
Read full storyTurin Shroud Proves Osama & Jesus Brothers Says Titanic Director Cameron
Hollyweird April 6 -- Titanic Director, theologian, & Geraldo-wanna-be James Cameron will release an Easter-eve featurette on You-Tube that proves conclusively that Jesus of Nazareth and Osama Bin Laden of the Riyadh & Geneve Bin Ladens are brothers.
Read full storyCranial recess appointments: a lobotomist writes
Washington DC - (Assinine Press): Many US presidents have used cranial recess appointments to play politics with nominees for posts normally reserved for bona fide assholes.
Read full storyNew Ford Flagship Vehicle
Ford Motor Company today announced the upcoming release of its new flagship vehicle, The Ford Rediculous. Marketed towards men with unusually small endowment and housewives with something to prove, The Rediculous is a twelve seat, sixteen cylinder,...
Read full storyBritish Marines Yielding to Verbal Abuse, Surrender Falklands
London, April 6 -- An hour into a news conference on Iran's stunning release of 15 British marines and sailors it had captured in the Persian Gulf and held for almost two weeks after repeatedly saying "Nih, Nih, Nih," two British marine...
Read full storyPrince William's Girlfriend in Horoscope Horror
Prince William's girlfriend Kate Middleton has settled a complaint against the Daily Mirror newspaper, over an incorrect prediction in their horoscope section.
Read full storyMile high for Jesus aircraft crashes
A small, single-engine airplane taking part in the Good Firday mile-high love-in crashed this afternoon after a fire was reported in the cockpit of the airplane. The plane, flown by Capt. Buckley E. Filbertamous of Hollywood, was making its way over...
Read full storyCalifornia child molestation specialist accused of psychiatry
California - (Disaster Press): An accomplished California child molestor and former president of the American National Academy of Child and Adolescent Molestation has been arrested amid allegations he once claimed to be a noted psychiatrist and psych...
Read full storyCruise Ship Home Without Incident
Miami, April 6 - In a bizarre twist of fate, a cruise ship has returned after a 14-day trip -- without incident. No outbreak of disease, influenza, food-borne, navigational, or other incident at sea was reported. None. Zilch. Butkiss.
Read full storyX-Facter Judge To Replace Louis Walsh Announced
Simon Cowell, supremo of the X-Factor TV show has finally announced who is to join him on the panel of judges for the next series following the sacking of Louis Walsh. It is to be none other than Irish Prime Minister, Bertie Ahern.
Read full storyTourism on the Decline since New York Banned N-Word
Since New York's City Council declared a moratorium on the use of the word "nigger," the state's tourism board has reported a drastic decline in visitors to the Big Apple.
Read full storyPelosi tells Saudis her Passover message from Yasser Arafat memoirs
Wailing Wall - (Rioters): Nancy Pelosi's goodwill visit to the Middle East took yet another turn today as she delivered to the Saudis what is rumored to be a deathbed message from the late Yasser Arafat's classified memoir.
Read full storyMovie-goer Pleasantly Surprised with Will Smiths Performance
Fayetteville - AR. Movie-goer Chuck Thayer, 28, of Springdale, AR admitted Friday to being "pleasantly surprised" with actor Will Smith's performance in the new-to-theaters drama Pursuit of Happyness.
Read full storyDick Cheney is "Friend of the Devil" at BYU as Jerry Garcia's bones are discovered in a cave outside of Provo--Is he related to Christ?
Demonstrators at Brigham Young University found what look liked the remains of Jerry Garcia's bones in a cave outside of Provo, Utah today. The discovery seemed very timely as tempers on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints campus have...
Read full storyAnna Nicole ex-stepdaughter in law and shrink are latest suspects
California - (ReUterus): A psychiatrist who prescribed pills leading to the fatal overdose that conveniently removed Anna Nicole Smith from the J Howard Marshall II legacy equation may have been hired by by Elaine Marshall, widow of Everett Pierce Ma...
Read full storyWelsh Nationalists' outrage at German sheep-shagging prosecution
Port Talbot - (ReUterus): Plaid Cymru offcials are up in arms over German prosecutors charging a 44 year old Turkish national with animal cruelty after her was caught on video shagging a flock of sheep in the Wiesbaden area.
Read full storyToledo church's Easter billboards show crucified Satan
Toledo - (Disaster Press): In a bid to recruit better congregation numbers the pastor of Toledo-based CedarCreek church has resorted to appealing to the widest possible demographic profile via a Holy Week crucified Satan billboard promotion.
Read full storyI Told you so! Pottermania continues
Following the release of the refreshing Potterade apple juice drink from Powerade, the world has now started on the slippery slope towards Pottercraze!...
Read full storyRutland also declares independence
Following Shropshire's unexpected declaration of independence (reported exclusively by our reporter sprat) the ancient county of Rutland has now declared independence, too.
Read full storyObama Is Reincarnation of the Chocolate Jesus!
In a weird convergence of the two leading art controversies in the US art world, astute observers are noticing that the Obama Jesus that has attracted so much attention and phoney complaints from a truly thrilled BO's campaign against the Mary Ma...
Read full storyGodonomics
"I am the lord your God, and you shall have no other gods before me" - 1st commandment. Exodus. Mount Sinai. 3000 B.C.
Read full storyTony Soprano Runs Away With ...
Polls, pools and pundits are conjecturing about the fate of TS or as his wife calls him AS's fate. Writers for the HBO our thing about the Cosa Nostra are leaking a shocking ending! The entire cast of pitiful guinea bastards run away!...
Read full storyShyamali Malakar, Sister of Sanjaya, Posts Nude Photos Too
First, Antonella Barba had nude pictures of herself posted on the internet that helped her survive on American Idol. Then, Alaina Alexander had nude pictures of her posted on the internet that have helped her boyfriend Chris stay in the top eight.
Read full storyGod pissed again at southerners as temperatures in the South plummet
As blueberry bushes donned black hoods and lined up like condemned prisoners, residents throughout the South prepared for this evening's lows by covering plants and spring flowers with black plastic and saying their prayers.
Read full storyHe Loves Recess: Bush Appoints "First Dog" Barney Ambassador to France
Washington, DC, April 5 - With Congress away for the Easter holiday, President George W. Bush has appointed "First Dog" Barney (R-Terrier) ambassador to France. Expecting a difficult confirmation hearing before the Senate Foreign Relation...
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