Laura Bush Seeks Divorce
Citing "irreconcilable indifferences, his thing is way too small and other problems," Laura Bush has filed for divorce against King George the Dunce.
Read full storyABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" Pens Deal with Israeli Defense Force
New York, NY--The American Broadcasting Company(ABC) today announced that it reached an agreement with the Israeli Defense Force (IDF) to shoot next season of its hit series Extreme Makeover: Home Edition in Gaza City.
Read full storyCapitalist piggy banks
NEW YORK -- Technology stocks continued their decline today as Wall Street reeled from an unprecedented surge of investment in companies that manufacture and distribute piggy banks. Leading analysts interpret this as a sign that investors have fi...
Read full storyRappers Hold Charity Event, Proceeds to Benefit Themselves and Other Battered Mental Midgets
The chorus rang out: "Yo, yo, yo. Yo sistuh be a ho."...
Read full storyGlobal warming caused by increased activity in Hell
Scientists at the University of Helsinki claim they have solved the mystery of global warming. A team of forensic diabologists led by the Rev. Dr. Zoltan Fahrenheit found startling evidence that the gradual rise in temperatures around the globe i...
Read full storyBush evaded Boy Scout duty
WASHINGTON -- President Bush's ghost-like military career hasn't stopped his team from stink-bombing John Kerry about the medals he won in Vietnam. But now new allegations have emerged regarding President Bush's service in uniform, this time invol...
Read full storyTed Williams' Head Hits .356
Without batting an eye, Ted Williams' noggin went 3 for 4 against the Devil Rays today. "I can see beyond being beheaded and otherwise dismembered," Ted's head said after the game.
Read full storySatan University
(Auburn, Alabama) Auburn University will change its name as of July 1, 2004 to Satan University. Speaking to the assembled press outside the Haley Center, Auburn President Joey Klind made the announcement saying it...
Read full storyMore Dumsfeld Backward Speak, America's Word Warrior Spews Anew
Out of his straight jacket, Ronald Dumsfeld readdressed his mess today: "Shucking fit! These aggelations and assucations are wabberjockey and jumbo mumbo! Let it be known, I have known the unknown. And what is worth having is not worth having ha...
Read full storyCondoleezza Rice to Open Chain of Cajun Themed Restaurants
The first Mama Condoleezza's NewOrleenza Rice and Beans Bistro and Voodoo Lounge is scheduled to open later this summer in Orlando, Florida. "Many people are surprised to learn that I am actually a human being and not only eat solid foo...
Read full storyCivilian Deaths in Iraq Overshadowed
The ever-growing amount of civilian casualties in Iraq was overshadowed earlier when someone took a picture that experts say, "looks like there's a pillow sticking out of his butt". The expert then broke down into a fit of high-pitched,...
Read full storyPowder Bomber Strikes Again
After the attempted flour bombing of Tony Blair on Wednesday, the bomber has made another attempt to powder the government, this time using a much larger bomb. Londoners woke up this morning to find the Houses of Parliament completely powdered.
Read full storyInterview with the Master Chief
Once just another soldier whose heroic exploits went unheard of and unknown, Master Chief was rocketed to stardom level with the release of a videogame titled 'Halo', loosely based off of his exploits in the military. Long-since retired, he now spends most of his time with his wife and twin children at their home in Billings, Montana. Recently, I had a chance to catch up to Master Chief an...
Read full storyEarthquake Shakes Up Chicago, Causes Sears Tower to Fall
An earthquake that measured 8.3 on the Richter scale devastated Chicago and toppled the Sears Tower. The quake killed at least 100,000 people, and none of the 2,500 people in the Sears Tower survived.
Read full storyGeorge Bush Does Something Stupid
Amidst the thunderous applause of satirists, late night talk show hosts, and hack comedians everywhere, George Bush surprises none as he yet again does something stupid.
Read full storyMad Tramp Discovers Portal to the Year 2050 Inside a Dead Racoon Carcass
Cleveland OH - Mad old tramp Elmer Brinkley shocked the world of science today by discovering a time portal to the year 2050 inside the rotting carcass of a dead racoon today.
Read full storyLook Out, Here Comes Jazz Idol!
If you're a jazz aficionado, then this show's for you.
Read full storyUS Troops forced to smile for Iraqi Prisoners
Senators in the US left Committee Rooms shocked today, after they had been shown over 1800 photos and video clips of Coalition troops being forced to smile in front of naked Iraqi prisoners.
Read full storyAmerican Idol: An Open Love Letter To Diana DeGarmo
Dearest Diana: Diana! Diana! Diana! I only have four words for you Ba-Don-Kit-Ty-Donk. Is that four words or five words. I’m sorry babes, my counting isn’t that good. I’m feelin’ the way you sing though and the fact that you’re always excited. Damn, you could be arrested on murder 1 and you’d still be smiling. Speaking of which, I never realized that Pleasantville was a real town until I he...
Read full storyAmerican Idol: An Open Love Letter To Fantasia
Dearest Fantasia: Damn baby. I met you at Sam’s BBQ and Grill in Rancho Cucamonga lat year. I couldn’t get a word in side ways because you preferred the corn bread to my one-liners. That’s all right though, I kinda like to hit the corn bread myself every now and then. So what’s up with the high pitched voice? Yeah, you’ve got that Macy Gray thing going on. Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! My walls are all...
Read full storyAmerican Idol: An Open Love Letter To Jasmine Trias
Dear Jasmine: I know that Simon loves to player hate on you. I know that he likes to snore when you sing. That’s OK honey. I’m a writer now, but I used to be an assistant pimp, so I can have him silenced (if you know what I mean), just say the word. I know that Hawaii loves you so much, although I am baffled that the lieutenant governor would name a day after you, when there are hard worki...
Read full storyBill Gates Sings Sexier Than Britney
Karaoke evenings will never be the same again following the development of a microphone that turns the singers voice into any singer they choose.
Read full storyChannel 4 News Jon Snow Surrenders.
Channel 4 News head anchor man Jon Snow allegedly surrendered yesterday, to claims that both himself and Channel 4 news are so Anti-American and Anti-Labour that they are finding it almost impossible to avoid exploiting the medium that they have the...
Read full storyJohn Prescott Praised for defending Prime Minister.
Following the attack during Prime ministers question time this week Tony Blair has announced that John Prescott is to receive a Knighthood after he lept to the defense of Ministers with no thought for his own safety.
Read full storyGeorge W Bush: Speechless
May 19, 2004 The United States of America looks like it is going to be put under full F.E.M.A controlled marshal law, with full Red Alert status after a high priority national 'treat' occurred today.
Read full storyStudy: Laughter Not Best Medicine for Collapsed Lung
Atlanta, GA-Doctors at Longview Memorial today released the findings of their study in progress on whether or not the old adage "Laughter is the best medicine" holds up. Results proved shocking.
Read full storyMan Charged Arm and Leg for Gasoline
Los Angeles, CA-Ask anyone across America today, and they will tell you that gasoline prices have reached ridiculous highs. Not the least of whom would be newly christened double amputee Frank McCrane, a resident of Long Beach, who was recently charg...
Read full storyExplosive Evidence Found Aboard The Titanic
It has always been reported that the RMS Titanic hit an iceberg and sunk taking 1,523 souls with her, however, the last expedition conducted May 12, 2004 has revealed damning evidence that a submarine in the area of the disaster sent 2 simultaneous t...
Read full storyFord And Ferrari Build SUV
Ford and Ferrari are planning to combine forces and expertise to build the largest, fastest Sports Utility Vehicle on the market. Called the Extravaganza the proposed SUV, which will be marketed under the Ford brand, will have a wheel base of 500 in...
Read full storyQueens' Night Out
The Queens who do not matter met last night, another of their regular monthly sistership meetings. Queen Beatrix of Holland, Queen Margrethe of Denmark, Queen Sonja of Norway, Queen Silvia of Sweden and Queen Paola of Belgium gathered this month in...
Read full storyIn 'Moore' Trouble
19 May, 2004 Update from 'The Spoof 'report;'Walt to Moore on 'Fahrenheit 9/11' Film' Ill-informed Reuters Hollywood reporter Ian Mohr announced today: "In the wake of Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11" world premiere Monday, a new drama is develop...
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