Written by David Baker

Thursday, 20 May 2004

image for Mad Tramp Discovers Portal to the Year 2050 Inside a Dead Racoon Carcass
Elmer Brinkley

Cleveland OH - Mad old tramp Elmer Brinkley shocked the world of science today by discovering a time portal to the year 2050 inside the rotting carcass of a dead racoon today.

Brinkley (42) of no fixed abode was perambulating down queens boulevard when he smelt a pungent scent "I knew that smell anywhere" said Brinkley "I thunk to myself "If that ain't a rottin' racoon carcass then I'm a Christmas fairy" and I set about to look for it, to see if I could cook myself up a coon stew and maybe make myself a fancy hat from it's hide."

"It took me awhile to find the little critter, but when I did I could see he was a cooker, very fat and lots of meat. I slit him open expectin' some fine coon meat only to find a damn portal into 2050 so I thought I'd better make the best of a bad situation and I stepped right through."

Mr Brinkley reports that in the year 2050 most of America is underwater due to the melting of polar ice-caps, billions of people have died in world-wide famines bringing the population of the world down to 1.5 billion, most of whom are Chinese and the USA has been declared bankrupt was sold by the liquidators to Microsoft who use it's inhabitants as indebted slaves.

"It just ain't right" says Brinkley, a former studio executive with Disney. "All those years and Madonna is still selling records."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Science, Cleveland

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