RMT boss Mick Lynch was last night crowned the new ten pin bowling champion of the United Kingdom after producing a record thirteen strikes in a row for a score of 330. Surrey native Geoff Saunders, Lynch’s opponent in the final, only managed a score…
Amateur scientist Angela Colvin has found a way around London’s financially crippling ULEZ scheme after designing a car which does not require fuel to run, instead being propelled by the same energy source that is causing the scheme to constantly exp…
The Department of Taxation has begun an investigation into allegations that The Prodigal Son failed to pay any tax on the large inheritance he received. While exact details are unclear, it has been established that Mr Son immediately left the country…
Experienced reporter Steve Scoop has condemned the recent media craze for prefixing news headlines with an out-of-context and often barely relevant quote. Scoop said that the practice added nothing to readers’ understanding and only served to cre…
HOBART, AUSTRALIA: Port Arthur Gunman Martin Bryant says he is “likely” to stand in the next Victorian election following the recent return to office of fellow gun enthusiast Daniel Andrews. Mr Bryant said that Andrews’ re-election demonstrated that…
MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA: Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has suffered a slight drop in his approval rating from 62.1% to 61.9% after a video appeared on TikTok showing him torturing and killing a baby with a large hunting knife. The video, which appear…
Proctologist Dr Stephen Thursday was this week fired from his job at Birmingham clinic Rumps-R-Us due to an extensive record of gross incompetence. Dr Thursday’s mistakes have made him the butt of his colleagues’ jokes for years, but he now finds…
Following days of intense criticism, Australian Greens leader Adam Bandt has finally admitted that his contemptuous tweet mere hours after Queen Elizabeth’s death was a mistake. “Last Friday I posted a tweet that I hadn’t given adequate thought t…
The original social deduction game Secret Hitler was released in 2016 and involves players dividing into teams of liberals and fascists. One player is designated as the Secret Hitler, whom the liberals attempt to identify before the fascists can have…
San Diego resident and self-described ‘Jedi Knight’ Gavin Mullen has been getting increasingly frustrated that his mastery of The Force doesn’t extend to convincing women to sleep with him. Mullen converted to Jediism more than a year ago but is yet…
MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA: Thousands of Victorians have taken to Twitter to defend Premier Daniel Andrews after Corruption Watchdog IBAC last week released a report exposing widespread corruption by his Labor government. The IBAC investigation found t…
Alderaanian Queen Breha Organa this morning announced that the planet will be introducing a carbon tax in response to growing concerns about the climate. The announcement comes in the wake of a new report which identifies climate change as the primar…
CANBERRA, AUSTRALIA: Leading members of Australia’s Liberal Party have expressed concern over party leader Peter Dutton’s prospects of becoming prime minister given his lack of a suitably wanky nickname for the media to use when referring to him. Dut…
Ian Hewitt, chairman of the All England Lawn Tennis Club, is being hailed as a hero tonight after the Club’s ban on Russian players competing at Wimbledon prompted Vladimir Putin to order his military to leave Ukraine. Speaking on Russian state te…
An incredible new optical illusion is captivating billions of people around the world. Sharp-eyed Facebook users are being challenged to spot three monkeys craftily concealed in the seemingly simple picture, which appears at first glance to simply be…
No parties were held at Downing Street after last week’s vote of no confidence in his leadership, according to Prime Minister Boris Johnson. Reports of beer pong, strippers and drunken renditions of Yellow Submarine following the ballot last Monday h…
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