MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA: Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has suffered a slight drop in his approval rating from 62.1% to 61.9% after a video appeared on TikTok showing him torturing and killing a baby with a large hunting knife. The video, which appears to have been shot at the Shrine of Remembrance, shows Mr Andrews mimicking the baby’s cries of pain and joking with the person filming.
Cornered by reporters earlier today, Mr Andrews insisted that he had done nothing wrong and was taking the issue very seriously. “As premier, the buck stops with me. But it’s important not to jump to conclusions, so before taking any action we need to find out the story behind this footage and speak to the people involved, if only we can find out who they are and locate them. Anyway, I’ve now spoken publicly about this, so it’s been dealt with and it’s time we all moved on.”
Many Victorians appeared to agree; not only was the damage to Mr Andrews’ approval rating minimal, but by lunchtime the hashtag #IstabwithDan was trending on Twitter. Many supporters also pointed out that by killing the baby with a knife, the Premier had saved it from dying of coronavirus.
Victorian Police Commissioner Shane Patton said he was aware of the footage and believed a crime had been committed, but his force would not be investigating as they were too busy. “Look, we have our hands full just arresting pregnant women for posting unauthorised political opinions on Facebook. We really don't have time to deal with TikTok videos as well.” Patton also said that this was a particularly busy week for his officers as they are currently being measured up for red 'Vote Labor' t-shirts to be worn during the upcoming election campaign.
Opposition leader Matthew Guy offered a predictably insipid response to the shocking video, saying “This isn’t really the kind of thing we want happening in Victoria.” He did promise that if elected premier, he will consider taking action over the video, but not until his second term. Mr Guy's prospects of becoming premier suffered a blow today however, as a Youtube video of him falling off a pushbike caused his own approval rating to plummet from 23.1% to 18.7%.
