Proctologist Dr Stephen Thursday was this week fired from his job at Birmingham clinic Rumps-R-Us due to an extensive record of gross incompetence.
Dr Thursday’s mistakes have made him the butt of his colleagues’ jokes for years, but he now finds himself out on his arse after management finally had enough of dealing with patients’ complaints and expensive lawsuits.
“Stephen has a long history of buggering things up- quite literally in some cases,” practice manager Harvey Hemorrhoid said. “We can’t afford to keep someone like that on our payroll.”
Dr Thursday is now considering his future career options as he doesn’t want to end up a bum sleeping on the street. "I'm used to working with things that are full of shit, so a job in marketing could be a possibility," he said. "And if worst comes to worst, I should be able to pick up some work as a proofreader, considering my experience with making sure colons are used correctly."
Nevertheless, proctology remains Dr Thursday’s passion, and he one day hopes to achieve his lifetime ambition in the field: a comprehensive study into exactly what kind of arsehole would write a satirical article consisting of nothing but puerile bum jokes.
