Adam Bandt apologises for Queen’s death tweet: “I meant ‘Australia must move left’, not ‘forward’”

Funny story written by Regan Rist

Tuesday, 13 September 2022

image for Adam Bandt apologises for Queen’s death tweet: “I meant ‘Australia must move left’, not ‘forward’”
Bandt later tweeted "Well may we say 'save the rainforests', because nothing could save the Queen"

Following days of intense criticism, Australian Greens leader Adam Bandt has finally admitted that his contemptuous tweet mere hours after Queen Elizabeth’s death was a mistake.

“Last Friday I posted a tweet that I hadn’t given adequate thought to,” the contrite MP told a press conference. “After offering condolences to the Royal Family, I wrote the words ‘Now Australia must move forward. We need Treaty with First Nations people, and we need to become a Republic.’

"This was a gross error of judgment on my part.

"What I should of course have said was ‘Now Australia must move to the left. We need Treaty with First Nations people, we need to become a Republic, and we need to all go vegan.’

"In my well-intentioned rush to denigrate a respected world leader, I let down the hopes and aspirations of a handful of Greens voters in inner city marginal seats.

"For that I am very sorry.”

Bandt also bemoaned the fact that he missed the opportunity to post something obnoxious about Mikhail Gorbachev’s death two weeks ago.

“I could have told the world that it was time to move on from Birthmarkhead’s legacy and explained why Russia needed to reoccupy Ukraine, reconstitute the Eastern Bloc and rebuild the Berlin Wall. Unfortunately, I was spending a few days meditating in my sweat lodge at the time, and missed my window while the corpse was still warm.”

Asked for his opinion on the suspension of Australia’s Parliament for two weeks, Mr Bandt said he fully supported the move, but emphasised that this was not motivated by respect for the Queen but by disdain for Australian citizens who expect him to do his job.

He said he had learned a lot from the Gorbachev debacle and was planning to spend his two week holiday pre-drafting offensive tweets so as not to be caught off guard by the deaths of other eminent figures in future.

He said he has already written denunciations in preparation for the deaths of the Dalai Lama, Malala Yousafzai and Dame Judi Dench, and is keen to add derisive posts about other luminaries including Professor Brian Cox, Martin Scorsese and Emma Raducanu in the next few days.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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