Chairman Luger Spence today announced a new entry in the field of 2024 Olympic hosts adding that "if Isis can pull this off, it would be hard to make any other choice." The announcement was made by a very distressed looking Mr. Spence at an unnam...
FBI's senior special investigator, Horace Deluca in a recent press conference, explained why so many daytime robberies are committed in "broad daylight". "A thief," said Mr. Deluca, "is just like anybody else. A nice sunny day with a blue sk...
Umberto Puzo, Brazil's secretary of finely formed tushes is recommending an immediate end to all exported exotic dances and prostitutes to the United States unless American Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte is extradited for questioning. President...
An untraceable message appearing randomly on Facebook and Instagram accounts is asking people to leave the planet. "Thanks for everything" the message begins "but I shall not be in need of your services any longer so please leave" The name...
Throngs of Neo-Nazis pranksters, sarcastic Skinheads, and comedic KKK members marched on the capitol today demanding a return to the good old days when "A chinaman was a chinaman" as suggested by Pennsylvania Skin head bikers for Jesus president Zeke...
A government funded study analyzing the nature of the hot dog and bologna has revealed that they are close cousins, "almost siblings, really" said Dr. Janice Manice, head of Columbia university's dept. of cold cuts and condiments which spearheaded th...
In a press conference on the shore of Piney Beach NJ Fred the Seagull stood at the podium and implored "I have called this conference to ask people to please be more careful with the food items you bring to the beach, many of us pipers, seagulls, and...
As Peggy Horton began pouring herself a glass of orange juice from the Crop-o-land container she knew right away something was off. "It was not orange, it was somewhat clear with whitish clumps of goo here and there" she said. "On behalf of...
Famed Astrophysicist Milo Kaka after an emergency meeting with fellow scientists at the Lyndon B. Johnson space station this morning met with the press and said this: "The latest pictures arriving from the Hubble Deep Space Telescope clearly shows th...
In a stunning turn of events today Donald Trump has stated that he now welcomes all illegal aliens with open arms to "come to our country and take the jobs vacated by Canada bound Democrats". In a move to help expedite the mass exodus of me...
Hillary Clinton's day of campaigning came to an abrupt end when her pants suddenly and inexplicably caught fire. "Why does this keep happening?" screamed the presidential candidate as her aids applied the contents of a fire extinguisher upon her tro...
Dr. Omar Claude, president of Admiral University's institute of orthopedics, is alarmed at the amount of three and four-year-old boys opting for a procedure common in many professional baseball pitchers. Ulnar collateral ligament reconstruction,...
Joe Plano, 36 of Yardley was jailed Thursday afternoon for willful ignorance of borough bicycle attire ordinance. "Mr. Plano" sheriff Brockington said "had been warned several times about this but has refused to fall in line" The accused was...
Residential contractor Keith Hughes has "had it with stupid customers!". In a tirade he posted to his website, Mr. Hughes, a highly respected and sought after contractor in the Gold coast of Long Island states that "I spend way too much time explain...
The anti-Christ today issued a brief and terse statement today at the law offices of his agent on Earth Brimstone Law: "I am postponing my arrival until you people do something about this ISIS stuff. Come on, can't we just follow the script, no...
For the third time in less than a month, actor William H. Macy has awoken as Frank from the ShowTime series Shameless in a strangers living room. "This is crazy," the bemused actor said recently "I'm on hiatus." FBI investigator Mitch Farns...
Herb Pencock, of Morrisville Pa., strolled into a local 7- 11 on Tuesday morning and demanded a 7-gallon cup of coffee saying "I need to wake up, I'm dragging" After waiting several minutes as the staff poured all available coffee into an u...
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