Yardley cyclist arrested for improper attire

Written by thomas o'hanlon

Friday, 24 June 2016

Joe Plano, 36 of Yardley was jailed Thursday afternoon for willful ignorance of borough bicycle attire ordinance. "Mr. Plano" sheriff Brockington said "had been warned several times about this but has refused to fall in line"

The accused was stopped and arrested by the sheriff at 7:30 on S. main st for bicycling in Basketball sneakers, Cargo shorts and a Guinness t-shirt. He had clearly ignored the dozens of proper bicycling attire signs posted throughout town.

Mayor Blinkman advised this reporter that "Our town has standards, standards we worked hard to establish and if Mr. Plano or anyone else for that matter chooses not to wear colorfully adorned streamlined bike shirts that advertise a foreign country, the us post office or sporting goods store, with matching or black bike pants and streamlined wraparound sunglasses with regulation bike cap…where was I…oh yeah, well they can ride their bikes somewhere else!"

After spending a night in jail a sobbing Mr. Plano conceded "perhaps I'm a rebel but I have learned my lesson though and as God is my witness I will never spend another night in that Pokey" On his release as he walked his bike back home a group of local law abiding cyclists rode circles around the offender in silent protest. Their mirrored glasses ominously suggesting to Mr. Plano: get in line pal or get out.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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