Today the NSA has been stopped in its tracks, no longer able to bulk collect phone data. Some citizens were happy with this decision, but not Col. Biff Trotter, who lambasted the Senate and everybody else. "Damn that Rand Paul," Col. Trotter said...
A little earlier today, I contacted Mass. General Hospital to check on the status of Secretary of State Kerry because of his bicycle accident. I had to pull some strings to get inside, but I managed to reach his doctor, Dr. Handleman Keurner, chie...
May 31, 2015 3 minutes after Vespers Written on my iPhone Sent by email to the website, "PrayersGalore.universe Dear Holy Spirit, Yesterday I prayed to Jesus, God, Mary, St. Dominick the thin, Mother Doris,and Nun Kolodnic. I asked for wisdom, guidance, truth, clarity, and a bagel with cream cheese. I hope you are not offended that I didn't include you in my prayers. It wasn't an...
It is official. Rumored for weeks, leaked by Clinton's headquarters, it's the challenge we've all waited for: Clinton Vs Saunders. A good old fashioned duel. Parnell Crawford went on TV and at 8.00 PM announced that Clinton has thrown down the gau...
In a startling turn about "Slick" Jim Mason, CEO of Exxon announced that he has seen the light and is reversing his opinion on climate change. "I think," Mason said, "fossil fuels does cause global warmin' and climate change." Jim took off his cow...
Amid calls for his dismissal FIFA President Sepp Blatter refused to condemn allegations of widespread corruption within soccer's governing body. FOX news reported earlier today that President Blatter strongly opposes any investigation of FIFA.
Today Tracy Morgan, famed comedian and star of many funny programs, settled his automobile head-trauma case with not-so-funny Walmart. The terms of the settlement were confidential, but for a price, (undisclosed,) we were able to determine the gen...
Chairperson Yellen of the Federal Reserve has again played it close to the vest. Fearful of raising rates, she said, "Because it could cause an unintended glitch in the economy, I'm passing at this time." "Are you," reporter Wilma Terman asked,...
If there's one movie I can't recommend, it's 'LARS, HEADHUNTER.' At first, I thought it was about cannibals, and looked forward to an evening of tribesmen feasting on humans with those cute tiny skulls. But no, it wasn't about a good old massacre of whites in some African Country. No, it wasn't about tying a missionary to a post, pouring molasses on him, and watching him getting devoured by red...
From the moment the bell rang, the stock market went bananas. For days it had been rumored that IBM was up to something. For the entire week the stock reflected unusual activity. The volume had increased from its usual daily volume of 12 million to 1...
Yesterday, this reporter--and I'm not going to tell you how I did it--hacked Hillary Clinton's email account: H@Gmail.com/top secret/Benghazi. No wonder she wanted to keep this away from prying eyes and perspicacious newspaper people,like me. T...
It has been "leaked" from Dr. Phineas Provolone, Chair of the Ornithology Section of the Smithsonian, and will appear in tomorrow's "Bird and Cuckoo Digest," that an endangered bird specie is no longer endangered. The leaked information is in the...
Today, the Senate had an unusual session. Unable to pass the Patriot Act because of divisions in the Democrat and Republican parties, the Senate agreed to hear from Prof. Wilton Carlisle, the noted psychologist and conflict resolution expert, hoping...
Year: 2 Billion A.D. Famed Paleo-Anthro-Ist, Dr. Luke Doctor, has discovered, what he believes is the link between humans and rocks. Dr. Doctor has long believed that rocks, mountains and the like, are alive, just as humans. Of course living for rocks is different than living for humans. "So," Dr. Doctor says, "is living for plants different from rocks and humans. Plants turn toward the s...
Editor's note: On Saturday, May 24, Patriots coach Bill Belichick conducted a press conference to provide the final word on the ball-inflation investigation. The full transcript as provided by the team appears below. BB: I want to take this opport...
Aberdeen, Maryland has been long noted as the site and vanguard for the development of military arsenal. Heavily guarded by the security forces of the 103rd "Farflechter Division," Aberdeen has been responsible for the development of the reusable 39m...
I was scheduled to get my new 5 year license at the Department of Motor Vehicles at 2 P.M. As I approached the door I noticed hundreds of people lined up, angry and shouting. They had placards and waved them. I stopped to ask an older man with gray hair and a feather in it, about the tumult. "What's going on," I asked him. Fortunately he spoke enough English for me to understand him. "Gov...
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