Written by Martin Jaeger

Thursday, 28 May 2015

Amid calls for his dismissal FIFA President Sepp Blatter refused to condemn allegations of widespread corruption within soccer's governing body.

FOX news reported earlier today that President Blatter strongly opposes any investigation of FIFA.

FOX news was the first to report the corruption scandal at FIFA resulting in the arrest of nearly a dozen officials involved in an alleged conspiracy to bribe various individuals for favors.

President Blatter spoke at the opening of a FIFA World Congress that's expected to be like no other.

"Why," President Blatter said, "does any one want to interfere with laissez-faire? Those people complaining are just jealous that the allegees got there first."

Clearly irate, he yelled at a reporter, "Don't they pay taxes like the rest of us? No one mentions that!"

Contacted by FOX, Nike, who had won the bidding wars for the right to shoe the winning team, stated, "We'll cooperate with anyone as long as we get the shoeing rights."

Adidas, also fighting for the shoeing rights, stated that they believe in ethics and "may the best shoe win."

The World Cup sponsors are in a difficult situation because they have made such good deals, and ethics is just so much hogwash.

"Can you wear ethics?" Bill Bromo asked.

Will Hart of Monsanto Chemical said, "I learned my lesson,and I'll never bribe on the cheap. You get what you bribe for."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: FIFA

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