Aging rocker Mick Elliott says he loves playing small halls and theaters these days rather than large arenas and stadiums. It’s clearly a lie he tells himself because he could never fill up an arena if he paid people to attend. “You couldn’t pay m...
Shithole, New JoiseyThom Crapper, 42, the former superintendent of a New Joisey Skool District, took a leave of flatulence—uh, absence—after he was identified as the “mystery pooper” who left “deposits” on a rival high school's track. “I couldn't hel...
High Court Sheriff enforcers have been hired to seize goods to the value of £1,765,287,432,177.59 after creditors lost faith in the UK's ability to service the national debt. Officials have just 24 hours to pay at least £800 billion by chip-and-pi...
A couple in Barrow-in-Furness have told family and friends that they are to divorce after failing to reach an amicable agreement in their decades-old dispute over their toilet seat. Malcolm and Marjery Loggerhead have been man and wife for 52 year...
It is the career "break" that stage actors have been dreaming about. Finally, a major theatrical production opened this week in London's West End featuring toilets on stage for the actors to use during the performance. "Most plays are absolute hel...
New technology startup W&P announced today that they have raised 12 million in funding from private investors. The smartphone app is fighting to become the first of its kind. W&P, which stands for Wiped and Pretty, tracks the progress of us...
Washington (SAPP) - In a strange twist of fate, the bathroom debate has come to a screeching halt. The U.S. EPA, an unlikely actor in this political saga, has settled the issue once and for all. In a blistering beat-down of the political Left and Rig...
Ode to the little turd who wouldn't be flushed! Oh little turd, of all the millions and zillions of turds that have existed in the world even in my lifetime, why oh why were you the one that refused to be flushed? Little turd,You are not all that much different from the rest...a little smaller, a little rounder and yes quite nice in texture but little turd, why you? Little turd, what made...
Amagansett NY - Shoppers will soon have a place to pee with the construction of a new public restroom. After promising residents for more than twelve years, the town has finally begun work on a public restroom in the hamlet's downtown parking lot.
A toilet manufacturer in China goes by the name of Shenzhen Trump Industrial Co. Ltd. and claims it never heard of Donald Trump till 2015 when Trump became a US presidential candidate. Now the Chinese firm is facing a lawsuit, though legal experts...
In a shrewd business move Donald Trump has applied for trademark status for the three word phrase "Trump Supporters Riot™." Now, whenever a newspaper or website uses the phrase Trump supporters riot™, the "™" symbol must appear and...
Ludlow, MA - Short Guy Terry Dapp opted for a taller urinal upon entering the Ludlow Service Plaza Men's Room last Saturday. Vertically challenged at five feet four inches, Dapp would have been a superb match for the lower urinal that well serve...
Niagara Falls, NY - Attempts to avoid colleagues in professional settings is an all too familiar practice. Have you ever gone to a different floor of your office building to drop a bomb? What about having the turtle's head poking out but preventing M...
Armidale, NSW - BA student Kyle Sanders, boarding in university accommodation, reportedly left the bathroom yesterday following a 'comfort stop' in which he used only 4 squares of toilet paper, the bare minimum required to avoid having to change the...
This morning a man dressed in blue denims, a white shirt, and tan loafers, found on the street leaning on a Porto-potty, was taken off to jail for a bail hearing. Earliest reports indicated that this man--his name is believed to be Bret Holman--wa...
Barking, Isle of Dogs - A local authority is to pay one million dollars compensation to a man who fell off the pot after eight years in a public toilet. Barking Council agreed the seven figure payout as part of its compensation culture initiative...
Havvanna Stairlifts have just announced their latest innovation for the modern home with elderly relatives living in. A built in commode for the stairlift to save those poor old crumblies the inconvenience of going to the bathroom and pissing all ove...
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