Man found not running for presidency

Funny story written by Martin Jaeger

Monday, 22 June 2015

This morning a man dressed in blue denims, a white shirt, and tan loafers, found on the street leaning on a Porto-potty, was taken off to jail for a bail hearing.

Earliest reports indicated that this man--his name is believed to be Bret Holman--was not running for president.

A vicious, noisy crowd had gathered around him shouting and voicing threats of "lynching," "hanging," and, "tar and feathering." The authorities did everything they could to protect Holman. For a while it looked like the crowd would prevail, but Officer Windmarsh, brandished his 45, in his right hand, and 31 in his left hand, until the unruly crowd became calm.

Officer Windmarsh stated, "This guy is some kind of nut. No matter what we said, he just repeated, he's not running for the presidency."

"You are un-American," I said, Officer Windmarsh said,"and you should be ashamed of yourself. I hope the judge throws the book at you."

Officer Windmarsh took hold of himself, and continued, "I told him that all of these candidates are giving of themselves freely to better America. 'Trump, Bush, Sanders, Clinton and the rest, all true blue' I told him that and he was unfazed. He had the nerve to say that it was a thankless job and he had better to with his time, like painting his lawn mower."

Finally, Officer Windmarsh wiped his lip the back of his hand. "I'm almost sorry I didn't let the crowd get to him."

Krenelyn, New Mexico
Home of the Hamilton Burger

Daily News and Gazette

Wilbur Thompson,
Political Correspondent

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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