The events unfolded quite dramatically. Here are our updates: * With the Capitol consumed by anxiety over clownvirus, Judiciary Chairman Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.) rose in a floor address Tuesday and told his Democratic colleagues they should lea...
After passing measures to address the Coronavirus Pandemic in the United States, the House and Senate have responded to cries from an industry that is seldom heard from. The past two days have seen the American public purchasing and hoarding toilet p...
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Two of the White House maids have disclosed to a reporter with The Washington Globe Express that the huge mansion at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue has run out of toilet paper. The two White House maids, who did not want to give their...
BILLINGSGATE POST: Is the world going nuts? Both grocery stores and large box outlets can’t keep toilet paper on their shelves. To take advantage of this phenomenon, unscrupulous entrepreneurs are gobbling up poop-stained tissue, re-rolling it and r...
Behind the back of a Greggs, a hooded ne'er-do-well is subtly offering his wares to passers-by. "Quilted!" he whispers, "3-ply super-soft." He offers to sell me a twelve-pack of Andrex for £50. I manage to haggle the price down to £40 - I really need...
A man who used an Asian-style toilet has revealed how, after completing his business, he didn't use toilet tissue to clean his bottom, but, instead, utilised the hand-held water jet - known as a Bum Gun - to complete the task. In Western countries...
Utah senator Mitt Romney told reporters of his horror at discovering that his house had been covered in rolls of toilet paper. The phenomenon, known as “TPing”, is often associated with college pranks, and it is unusual for it to happen to a United S...
Co-workers Martha Shea and Chris Belmont shared a hearty chuckle after their boss, Rebecca Fraser, walked into their office with toilet paper dragging from the heel of her fashionable black pump. "She's super stylish, kind of a fashionista, which...
Scamway and Scamatologists announced today that their two organizations would be merging in a marriage made in Cult Heaven. "This will provide a lot of benefits for the people in both organizations. Scamatologists will now be able to sell detergen...
Izal medicated toilet tissue? Don't make me laugh. If you don't remember it, you are lucky. This shiny, waterproof, abrasive product was routinely found in workplaces, hospitals, school toilets and public conveniences, probably intending to discou...
Wiping one's rear end these days with, soft, luxury "bogpaper" seems to be not quite as harmless as it seems, say tree huggers! A UK luxury bogpaper manufacturing company has been accused by tree huggers of destroying a pristine forest is Sweden s...
Wealthy Neighborhood, NY Police today were still searching for a mansion under a mountain of toilet paper. Police had no sure explanation for how the mound of toilet paper got there, but they had received a 911 call stating that there were rich peopl...
(This article also includes a colorful look at how other cultures and other eras have avoided tree slaughter and still maintained excellent hygiene.) Over the past several years, our noble capitalist system has been downsizing everything in the grocery store while upsizing the prices. This they generally do in a deliberately deceptive way, keeping the packaging size the same, but cutting ba...
Australian Liam Helmsworth may be a fairly good actor but his brothers say that he sometimes has trouble over simple things. Of course, several caught onto that when he went to live with Miley Cyrus who acted like nothing was really going on there...
Venezuela has instituted a series of emergency laws in the face of the national toilet paper shortage. Besides ordering the Venezuelan Army to assume control of the only toilet paper factory in the country, President Nicolas Maduro has ruled that no...
WASHINGTON DC - The First Lady agreed today to have her derriere reduced in size by 75 percent via plastic surgery to be green. According to press under-secretary, Toid D. Phlush, the First Lady got the idea when she heard about whole forests bei...
A new study has found that, far from the luxury lifestyle women puport to have, the ladies of today are more than happy to clear away their business with own-brand low-grade toilet roll. Out of all women asked in the survey 3 were happy to tell u...
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