House and Senate Allocate 2 Billion to the Toilet Paper Industry and Chiquita Bananas

Written by JinoLeFeeto

Sunday, 15 March 2020

image for House and Senate Allocate 2 Billion to the Toilet Paper Industry and Chiquita Bananas

After passing measures to address the Coronavirus Pandemic in the United States, the House and Senate have responded to cries from an industry that is seldom heard from. The past two days have seen the American public purchasing and hoarding toilet paper at a huge rate.

"I was just going in to get some Corona beer before Pence nicked it all, and I just about got ran over by a woman with 10 48-roll packages of toilet paper stacked on a cart! It was terrifying. The lines were out the doors of people grabbing things and the shelves were empty!"

Todd Prince, nicknamed TP, the CEO of Pacific Toiletry, said the aid would be much needed. "Its come as a bit of a shocker, and the other thing, industry bananas, I sure didn't see that one coming."

"Yes, we have no bananas today" has been the cry across the country, as shelves and warehouses have been cleared. Oddly, items such as cold and flu medicine have been relatively untouched for treating symptoms of any virus.

"Who knows?" said Benny Anderson of ABBA, "We never thought Chiquitita would be a hit in America, so I guess the TP thing is no surprise to me."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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