ICANSEERUSSIA-ALASKA: After fathering Sarah Palin's grandchild Levi Johnston says he was dumped because he didn't fit in. Now the unemployed, wannabe actor says he's interested in taking a shot at the Alaska Governor position. Levi told journali...
L'ACQUILA, ITALY: Canadians are beginning to wonder whether their PM Stephen "Steve" Harper is a closet "communion-klepto". The so-called committed Protestant keeps barging his way forward at Catholic Mass, pushes his way to the front of the Communi...
NEVERSAYNEVERLAND, HOLLYWOOD: The identity of Michael Jackson's Mystery girlfriend has been revealed. Earlier Michael Jackson's former bodyguard had told news media that Michael had a secret girlfriend that he met in secret and wanted to keep se...
WASHINGTON: Richard Holbrooke czar of the US Af-Pak policy wants to win "hearts and minds" in Pakistan since the drone attacks have failed to do so. Meanwhile lawyers for uber-crook Bernie Madoff want to cut a deal with the feds. With the US de...
LA-WHORE, PUKISTAN: The Pak Minister of Infernal Affairs [a former Army General] told international journalists that "even if the Kashmir issue is resolved we will always project India as the enemy. This is the only way we can bully the Americans to...
TEHRAN, IRAN: Here's a riddle that this writer feels should be making the rounds soon: "How many Ayatollahs does it take to rig an election?" Answer: "Not many." And that seems to be what is plaguing Iran at this moment. Amid all the stre...
HARPO STUDIOS, CHICAGO, USA: Talk-show queen and Our Lady of Over-indulgence, Oprah's struggle with her weight has been an open book. Spokespeople for her show have confessed that whenever ratings were low Oprah dragged out the old "I just can't kee...
TEHRAN -IRAN: As supporters of the pro-reform movement of Mir Hossein Mousavi took to the streets to protest the results of Iran's Presidential election, the Iranian Ministry of Disinformation went into overdrive. Attempting to show not only Irani...
LONDON, UK: Call her Goddess, because single-handedly Joanna Lumley has brought Gordon Brown's Labour government to its creaking, arthritic knees. One woman has used her influence and clout to ensure that for once 36000 veterans will be accorded the...
OTTAWA, CANADA: Canadian Defence Minister Peter Mackay flew to Islamabad and promptly put his big gumboot in his mouth when he announced that Canada is "considering lifting an 11-year ban on arms sales to Pakistan". Unfortunately, his "I'm-so-imp...
LONDON, UK: First he admitted to friends that he hadn't washed his hair in 2 years. Now a sheepish Prince Harry has told friends that he actually hasn't "bathed in over two years". The spare and 3rd in line to the throne says he has just manage...
MUMBAI, INDIA: The lawyer for Mumbai terrorist Kasab says his client is going crazy in solitary confinement and wants to take strolls outside his cell. He has submitted a list of requests from the last surviving Pakistani terrorist which includ...
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND: Pakistan came out on top of a new international poll as "most untrustworthy country", followed by North Korea, Iran and Zimbabwe. The poll considered 5 major factors: 1) non-viability of current administration Pakistan sc...
NORTH, KOREA: North Korean scientists state they have successfully cloned a 'glowing Dear Leader', using DNA from Kim Jong-il and mutant beagle puppies. The head of the experiment said: "Everybody thinking maybe Dear Leader die or maybe have strok...
BUCKINGHAM PALACE, LONDON: The man who will be King is upset with his thinning hair. Wills is said to have told close friends that he is shocked and utterly despondent at the rapidity of his hair loss. The heir to the throne is also not amused tha...
TALIBANISTAN - PORKISTAN: The Taliban have been crowing with delight. Mullah Sheepullah is reputed to told the BBC's man in Porkistan - Atticus Drammaticus: "There is no swine flu in our pure Muslim land because we do not eat or sleep with pigs.
LONDON, UK: The Health Ministry has issued more swine flu alerts and precautionary measures. The Health Secretary has said: "We are now asking Brits to avoid eating bacon butties - just to be on the safe side". A bitter Onslow Dole and his wife...
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