HARPO STUDIOS, CHICAGO, USA: Talk-show queen and Our Lady of Over-indulgence, Oprah's struggle with her weight has been an open book. Spokespeople for her show have confessed that whenever ratings were low Oprah dragged out the old "I just can't keep weight off" line - guaranteeing a sold-out show of fellow fatties.
One of Oprah's closest childhood friends, Sidney "Supersize" Meatball said: "Truth be tol' our gal looooves to eat. I mean she's done the whole runnin' with the support team; hirin' the low-cal chef; whinin' 'bout the thyroid thang; thinkin' positive usin' the 'Secret' shtick; even wearin' 10 sets of them Spanx thangs under her clothes - but les' jes' get serious here. Girl ya'll aint gonna lose weight if ya'll keep eatin' like' you do - nome sane?"
In a bid to renew her ratings, now that Madonna has bought off Malawi with 12 million pounds, Oprah has decided to donate her entire stomach to the starving children of South Africa.
According to Supersize: "This be her way of makin' sure there's always 'nuf food fo' them kids cause our Oprah she sho have one big stomach. In one meal it can hold enuf food to feed a whole village and Oprah believes it takes a village to raise a child".