The FA today summoned all players and staff who went on England's disastrous 2010 World Cup jaunt to South Africa to a meeting at Lancaster Gate, where 'remedial action' for their poor performances was on the agenda. It was decided that: "the play...
When the World Cup game between Japan and Paraguay ended in a tie, the game went into overtime. Still there was no score. The game finally ended in penalty kicks when Paraguay beat Japan 5-4. One Japanese team member, Yuichi Komano, missed his penalt...
Real Madrid and Portugese winger Cristiano Ronaldo insists 'Lionel Messi is the most overrated player ever to grace a football pitch.' The Portugese superstar believes he is better, and has apparent hard evidence to back this up. "Just take a l...
Sports reporting can be difficult. Today Japan played Paraguay in the round of 16, and following a mind-numbingly dull encounter, Paraguay progressed into the last 8 following the first penalty shoot-out of the tournament. In a match utterly devoi...
"Those stupid things were so loud we couldn't concentrate", stated Goalkeeper Robert Green yelling at the top of his lungs. "I still can't hear shit!" That's probably a good thing because most of England's fans had some choice words for him for bl...
Britain's beleaguered, nay, reviled, Football Manager, Fabio Capello, saying "I'm not done yet, Mates," revealed he would be hanging around for two more years and promised a major shakeup in the Three Lion's starting squad. Fabio, speaking throu...
England's much criticised left back, Ashley Cole, was roundly lambasted by observers last night as he was spotted laughing and joking shortly after England's World Cup humiliation at the hands of the Germans. It seems that Ashley Cole is planning...
Sources revealed last night that the real reason for England's disastrous showing at the World Cup in South Africa was not tiredness, as reported, but in fact was solely down to a spate of underpant theft from the team's hotel. Five thieving basta...
Die German "Lederhosen Battalion" stuffed the lame, tame "Three Lions" with impunity and England's tamest lion, Rooney, was given a "speziell lederhosen spanking" by the German defenders! It was a Blitzkrieg screwing in good old English "kick and...
England wakes this morning, subdued and disheartened, following yesterday's ignominious 4-1 defeat at the hands of their footballing nemesis, Germany. And whilst the England players prepare to return home, the FA will need to examine the evidence...
MANGAUNG-BLOEMFONTEIN, South Africa - Fabio Capello, the Italian coach of the British Football Team was asked why his team lost to the German team. Capello shook his head and said that it was not his fault. He said that there are some very good re...
After England's ignominious 4-1 defeat by Germany, the English Football Association has turned to an unlikely source of salvation, David Icke. This shock decision is sure to outrage many England fans already angered by their team's poor performanc...
London - (OMG! Mess): The three inch 20 carat Star of Hindustan accidentally got caught in HM's throat amid the shock of a tosser ref's disallowed Frank Lampard goal. "Orf with his head!" the Queen cried just as the fastener of the 1901 Boucheron...
Sepp Blatter, FIFA President, is a wanted man today. Not because people want to buy him a drink, or break bread with him, or engage him in smalltalk - he's a wanted man because he is regarded in England and Mexico as a twat of the highest order. A...
Bob Geldof didn't much like Mondays, back in the day when he was a Boomtown Rat. Cue England - June 28th 2010 - and now nobody likes Mondays. This is England in crisis. This is England on its knees. This is a defeated and deflated England - a hope...
In an unexpected move, the 2nd half of the England v Germany game has been declared void. In a statement, football president Fred Blather declared: 'The evidence that the goal attempt by Lampard, not recognised by the Referee or his Assistant, was...
A disgraced England team, began the long trek home from South Africa, in a rowing boat. Asked why the long faces, Jermaine Defoe said; "We've only got one oar" A spokesperson for Fabio Capone said; "Fuck em, If I had my way, they would be swimming...
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